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tis a life

tis a wound deep within the fouls mind

tis a swoon wrought deep with one's soul

is a lie thought deep and craved hard to be real

tis a unbearable seal on the hearts working wheel

tis a bleeding cut that refuses to heal

tis a sickness that you'll forever feel

tis a weakness that'll make you ill

tis a sin worse then a kill

tis what makes the poor beg for a meal

tis a life

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • frownsnfreckles
    February 13, 2008

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    it sounds like a sad life but I think it also shows the strength of the need and will to survive
    'tis what makes the poor beg for a meal
    tis a life'


  • SpiceRack
    February 13, 2008
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    i liked it. 'tis' is one of my favorite words. it was a great poem.


  • x--nocturnia--x
    February 13, 2008

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    I think it's suspenseful and captivatin, in a medium-mild way, but i think its wrong. Nice job


  • Perception
    February 12, 2008

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    I really like these lines. I think they flow very well into each other, and hold a very interesting idea. Some of the lines were awkward (the first one, I thought was a bit weird...), but other than that I really like what you have done in this piece.

    ~~ Wonderful


  • Metaphorist
    February 12, 2008

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    Nice. My favorite line was "tis a swoon wrought deep with one's soul". Great image! Also, good ending and rhyme flowed well. I think you should keep writing for sure!

1 - 6 of 6