she walks these hallways, day by day,
until, unnoticed, shes gone at may.
School lets out
her silent shout
until in black her echo's lay.
then one faithful morning
a day unmarked, unmanned,
our girl the gallows headed,
headed into Stan.
They hit into eachother,
the books made sweet debree
ad Stan the man had an awesome plan
to make this girl happy.
He stooped on down
straight to the ground
and gathered her books and bags
then cleverly placed
upon his face
a smile, her fears were banned
the girl was suddenly smiling,
from Stans contagious air
the girl had hope
no more to mope
she left her sorrow there.
So now we see
quite happily
the power of small at work.
Stan with a smile,
tiny works of art,
saved this girl,
changed her heart.
A contest entry
- Anything Goes by karmacae.
700 points, ended February 14, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Like a few of the other commentees below I too liked the story behind this, it was sweet but I also feel you need to work on it a little. There are some typos- lack of apostrophe, that sort of thing and one or two of the lines need reworking to adjust the flow. There's great potential here, please work on it, I'd love to come back and see it finished. Cheers for sharing and keep writing.
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the girl was suddenly smiling,
from Stans contagious air
the girl had hope
no more to mope
she left her sorrow there'
the forth line in this doesnt flow with every one else. i liked this poem, it was cute. but the feeling wasnt very strong.
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This has a great story in it, the blossoming and coming out of a young girl. I do suggest that you reread it and correct some of the spelling, other than that it was good!
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Beautiful
I enjoyed the wonderful story in this piece. I have always believed that if you smile at someone and make them smile then they will pass it along, so this poem was sweeter to me than you know. Thank you so much for sharing you had on minor typo Verse 3 line four ad should probably be and. other than that perfect poem. ~mandie~ -
Yes, kindness and smiles can make a great difference
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Awesome
This poem was a story all in itsel. I loved th title too. The rhymes were amazi as well, they didn't pollute or ruin the poem, they made it better. That is exactly what rhymes should do
Amazing!!! -
Wow this was amazing the rhymes were spectacular and it had a story behind it i really enjoyed this good job man.
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