Tunneling
Through
All
The
Broken
Hearts
No
Longer
Beating;
No
Rhythmic
Pattern;
No
Longer
Bleeding.
There is no surgery to reconstruct the saddest days.
Just as there is no glaive sharp enough… to cut through the silences.
The
Darklings
Of
Love
All
Possess
Tunneled
Derision;
To
Focus
Solely
On
Their
Incision
Of
My
Peripheral
Vision.
Sightless and confused ,like
having your
eyes plucked to dance with tumultuous winds
naked
upon a frozen
ocean.
The masquerade of taunted men
Whose hearts were stolen…
… and used as flasks;
Their souls weep without a voice
To haunt forever
With undying pasts.
By: Jaye Eryk
Copyright ©2008
Non-monosyllabic comments welcomed
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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I really liked this. The arrangement was great. Your words pwerful. Nicely done. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
Vampy -
I think that the form you used does more then make it interesting, it gives a feel of confusion, that you were probably feeling in this situation
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WOW
If this was not a emotional ride then I don't know what is. This was something that I will book mark, good luck.
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"Whose hearts were stolen…
…and used as flasks;" -omg. HOW!?!?! your talent will never stop, will it? i know that it is more than just words, that this is the pang in which you deal, but you really express it in such a beatiful manner. open, honest, and blunt! sometimes, well, a lot of the times i feel that i have peeked into your soul. though a bit scary, i admire what i see!!
*R
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Interesting form. I think the first stanza is my favorite, but I also like the one about the stolen hearts used as flasks. Thanks so much for entering.
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I truly enjoyed how you laid this out, the construction of the words and the torment of heartbreak were so beautifully penned here. Thanks for your entry.
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Heart-wrenching....
and unfortunately true. Once again you have flawlessly captured the timbre of a heartbreak. I have been here more times than I care to admit, but never could I capture the horror this exquisitely. Well done!!!!!!
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I read it yesterday but because I was to busy with sending Valentine greetings
I forgot to comment
You never seem to fail with your poetry...it's so special...sad and dark, great presentation too
I guess men and women can feel the same...
I know I once felt like this...and it didn't made me happy...so for the last time I am trying to bring some love
and happines
If that fails I probably will change my writings too...well you will notice that if this might happen...
I will be back another day soon,
just to see if you wrote a great poem like this...
XXJeannette
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Awesome...as always =]
The scattered format of this poem really suits the structure...you're always so good about your poem structure--it's thoughtfully constructed and shaped, and the time you take to do it is just really cool.
"No
Rhythmic
Pattern;
No
Longer
Bleeding."
I can really picture a non-functioning heart. It wasn't the most cleverly chosen words, but oftentimes it's the simple words that hit you hardest--plus, it's not about what words you use...it's how, and you use them so well.
"Just as there is no glaive sharp enough… to cut through the silences."
You always manage to do this--throw in smart words like 'glaive' but not in a showy way. And uh...what's a glaive? W/e it is, it works for this line. =)
"The masquerade of taunted men
Whose hearts were stolen…
…and used as flasks;"
Chandler Bing would say, "Could you BE more poetic?", and I think I have to say the same thing here...I love the part w. the flasks--it's unique, it's kind of amusing in a dark way, and it just works so well...
"without a voice
To haunt forever
With undying pasts."
Wow. Dark. I can really see this happening...it's just...I don't know how you do it, but I'm in awe...again...and oh yeah, thank you for your praise for my last write...the guy I was writing about was a class A bastard...anywho, great poem as always! =)
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The last two stanzas or were especially intriguing. it had beautiful words arranged to form a miraculously bizarre poem. extraordinary as always.
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I love this. i love how it's scattered. i love the word "masquerade", i use it. it caught my eye...it stole my ears, too.
YAY! <3
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This brought forth a vision of a macabre minuet, men with sightless faces, gaping wretched holes in their chests while the women danced around them with their hearts in hands, wild hungry looks in a dance that never ends...
Damn, as quick as a flash it was, it left a lasting feel that drives the emotion of this home...
You never cease to amaze me, was just wondering when I might see something from you again...and you never fail to bring it...well worth the wait.
~B.
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Wow. This is really amazing. My favorite part was the following...
The
Darklings
Of
Love
All
Possess
Tunneled
Derision;
To
Focus
Solely
On
Their
Incision
Of
My
Peripheral
Vision.
When I read this, it made me think of some sort of dark angel sucking the soul out of someone. I really watch too much Sci-fi but thats what it makes me think about.
-Marissa
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Words Fall Like Acid Rains....
Such pang within each crackled fragment once called bones, each breath inside a shattered heartbeat smothered forevermore... Precision in each verse, for caring seems is rewarded with a curse. Sad, but so damn true. Stones are hardly digested brother. eats away at the soul... Perfectly diced.
Pieces. . .
-Timothy aka poeticweaver~ ~ ~
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DAMN! That's freaking good! I love the second to last stanza, it's my favorite part. I just imagined these girls drinking out these poor guys hearts. Just sucking all the love and hope and just pure sanity out of these guys. I loved it!
And the beginning was really good too. I liked the way you wrote the first stanza thingy. When I read it I thought of walking down a tunnel looking at all of these hearts that are no longer beating and no longer pumping out blood. And the two sentences after that were really good it just helped strengthen the mood of the poem.
Well anyways those are the parts that stuck out to me. Fantastic work.
It must have been a really shitty day for you. I'm here if you need to talk, <3
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I like how the poem's shape matches it's content; that's not something I usually enjoy, but it really works for this piece.
There is no surgery to reconstruct the saddest days.
Just as there is no glaive sharp enough… to cut through the silences.
Those are just about the most amazing lines I've read in a while.
The piece ends very strong and beautifully. I enjoyed every moment of reading this.
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