A black dog sits under an arched bridge at night.
The sky was of obsidian hue, and raindrops pitted
against the scarred earth and dripped, dripped
as the seraph's tears undulate through pensive thought.
They dripped off the edge of the bridge
and onto the mane of the dog.
The dog sits arched as the bridge is arched,
the earth is curved and the earth is arched.
Both the metropoles and the forestry
are coated with a sheen of lustrous colonnades.
The pitter has ceased because the mixture can get no wetter,
yet the patter is the churning of the batter.
The dog raises its paw, and the patterns of the rain
change and swirl exquisitely, like insects.
He moves his matted head right,
Arched like a preacher who preaches
in a land that must be defined,
and catches droplets on his tongue.
The tableaux of the facade is altered again.
The abstraction breaks with the storm.
Black water shaking, night flowers of vermilion
for the taking, and the mind, the mind
of the preacher aching, the farmer,
the farmer is still raking, for this is all
all of the black dog's making.
The laws of chaos and of weather,
brewed with sound and sketches,
form the pinnacle of man's trepidation.
The most peculiar result is one
where seem seems to be.
That is why the vacant underpass
can be filled by the contents
of the foyer of the mind.
The moonlit subtlety can only
distort the haggard specter so far,
for distinctions in clarity are not
formed by the blink of an eye.
The dog is a concrete metaphor to the
thousands of singular men
who press their faces against window panes
and admire the sweeping downfall.
A fig tree in Luong Prabang rustles faintly,
and the dog turns and walks down an empty street.
From his mane an opalescence glows,
fueling the candles that burn in the houses of many men.
A contest entry
- ♥ Anything goes! ♥ by vampireblood.
430 points, ended March 3, 2008, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
This is really good.. still, I find the last few lines for an unnecessary explanation. I think it reads well without it, at least for those who can see a bigger picture of it. Very descriptive... and sounds like a crossroads story we all keep a secret of?
-
I love it. very descriptive and it works so well. great job and good luck!
-
I love it!
I think its very nice and would like to know more about it!! -
-
Know more about what?
-
-
Streaking through the storm, the laws of chaos and of black dogs - you've played with a lot of imagery in this poem, the fifth stanza is a stand-out for me. I don't know why, but the final stanza, with the dog walking down an empty street send chills down my spine.
-
You had a lot of vivid descriptions in there... And you used wonderful words. I just thought, throughout the whole poem that it was very awkward how you said things. Your descriptions were very awkward to me. Like 'obsidian hue' was very awkward. I don't know why though. I just thought that every line was just awkward.
The rhythm you had in the fifth stanza though, was very interesting. It was very catchy. I thought it would probably be a better rhythm to have at the beginning of the poem than towards the end.
~ a bit awkward.. But, very beautiful
-
I rather like this poem. You have a very vivid use of language and it strikes a very philosophical tone. What I find most interesting, however, is the way you explain yourself and your metaphor within the poem. A very stylistic choice, for many poets try to leave it up to the reader. Well done.
-
well the title drew me right into it. very well written and seems well thought out. especially liked the ending,
Creatress
-
A good write, "the seraph's tears undulate through pensive thought" very full line that. Man's constant need to define that which is surrounding him though all he need do is open his eyes and see truth is also well put within this work. I appreciate also the manner in which man is all to hasty to come to conclusion while failing to ascertain what the true meaning may be is put.
While I didn't feel the explanation of the dog was needed I did enjoy the wee bit of chaos theory used to tie it all together.
Well Done.
-
Well now.
This one is uniquely interesting and different from what I write. I like that is a talent that one can be different while being unique but still coming away with a poem that is likeable. -
I liked this. Its alot different from the other poems in my contest. WHich is a good thing. Your word choice was really good as well as the flow of the poem. Nicely done, best of luck to you and thanks for entering.
~Vampy~ -
The line "The earth is curved and the earth is arched" kinda throws me off. Maybd the you could say something else is curved and the earth is arched. I don't know. Just a suggestion. Other than that the poem was really good. I enjoyed it a lot. I had to read it a couple of time to really understand what it was saying but I think that makes the poem very good. You make the readers think. Great write.
-The Dark Poet-
-
-
I thank you for your comment. However, in the line that you take issue with: "The earth is curved and the earth is arched," the usage of the word "earth" twice is crucial to the underlying theme of the poem. Therefore, although it seems you didn't like seeing the word "earth" twice in a sentence, it was done intentionally to magnify the message I was trying to implement.
-
-
good god. this is a rather stunning poem, its very descriptive and vivid. i love the detail, especially this part:
"The dog raises its paw, and the patterns of the rain
change and swirl exquisitely, like insects."
im not sure why i like that part so, but its probably because i always thought of droplets falling in a pool of water creating ever increasing and intersecting rings, as a metaphor for life and its intricasies. meh, who knows, but i did enjoy the read. you have a gift for words, ill be sure to find some of your other work. thanks.
-
good!
I very much enjoyed the visual imagery! The only thing I can think of is maybe not pointing out the obvious metaphor, since you so clearly imaged it with words? Great pen! -
Beautifully written, my friend. I must say I'm in awe. The continuous avid descriptions create such perfect images in one's mind, alongside a flawless metaphor.
Very very well done!
Blessed be!
~Winter~
-
Very good. The over all style was excellent.
-
great meter and form
my favorite was the 5th stanza with the breaking of a storm and dancing water.
keep up the good work
Tamara
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
