In you, I found my light.
The brightest star in my curtained sky.
I worked so hard to try and hide;
this bittersweet taste
of my swallowed pride.
Now, I stand before you,
dilapidated and gone to seed;
the anguish at the realization:
the one you love is not me.
This chasm in my chest
where my heart used to beat
is now overrun with paralyzing defeat.
So I have accepted the truth behind your stare.
A one sided love in this asylum,
I will simply have to bare.
Author notes
It's kind of rough. For whatever reason, I like it. It pretty much says it. You know? It's cliche, but that's okay.... life can do that sometimes.
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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your words are very descriptive, i feel like i can relate to the pain you were in. i also like your word choice. great write.
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I love how your pain in expressed so clearly through your words. Makes it easier to relate to this is very beautifully written. It's the worst feeling in the world to love and not be loved in return but I guess it's just one of those things in life we just have to deal with.
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Man I seriously hate when people are all about telling you they love you, and then they go and screw everything up, fuck with your heart, and are just complete jerks about the whole situation. Its so hard to find someone worth keeping around,and then when you do, or when I do I always screw the whole freaking thing up...ugh I hate the world. I guess when you know its right its just right ya know? Great write thanks so much for sharing!
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great
"This chasm in my chest
where my heart used to beat
is now overrun with paralyzing defeat"= beautifully written -
this poem is like a rock in my hand. abrasive but beautiful. awesome job! i liked this poem a lot.
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this was very beautiful in it's rough way.. I really liked this image that you created here.. The pain is felt in your words.. Beautifully written..
Angel
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thanx this is a good poem
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i like this good
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Good job, it needs a bit of work; but I know you're not here for the criticism. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
In you, I found my light.
The brightest star in my curtained sky.
Beautiful line!
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Nice
i like it you speak from your heart and that makes this a piece of beauty keep up the great work
Tori
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i love this write it flows really well
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Powerful writing here. Deep emotion throughout this piece. I have gone through basically the same thing, many years ago. So I definitely know where you are coming from with this. Keep writing, you are very good.
All the best
Wayne Leon
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Wow!
I hate when people say "I know how you feel" so I won't say that, but I have experienced something similar and it hurts so bad. Loving someone so much, who doesn't feel the same way is the worst kind of pain... I'm sorry that you have to endure it.
Don't let this person break your heart... you don't have to be stuck in this place... your beautiful and deserve all the love in the world.. and this person who doesn't love you .. who doesnt see you doesn't deserve your love.
Great Write .. Seriously... It overwhelmed me with tears.. keep up the great work so I can come back and read I do hope your OK.
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Nice flow and it reads smoothly. There is good use of metaphor, and though cliche' it speaks of an anguish that all can relate to.
until exhale,
Grimoire -
very nice, i really like how it closes..
keep up the good peotry, i would love to read more of your stuff.
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There were two things that were inspired in this wonderful poem, one was the 'curtained sky' and the other was the 'bittersweet taste of swallowed pride' I think you have a wonderful talent. Just keep writing and you will find your way.
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Brilliant piece of writing here. I love this. Wonderful stuff. Quite dark too, which is too my taste.
Well done
All the best
Wayne Leon
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"this bittersweet taste
of my swallowed pride..."
Cliched? I don't think so. To me it rings true and the words are strong and compelling. Well done poet!
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this isn't even an emo poem. get outta here. jesus loves you.
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well, i'm not emo so that settles that.
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The words are harsh, the flow rough but it suits the pain and flow or sorrow mirror the harshness in the words so it trully works well together and fits perfectly
later
Romeo
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