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Self- Destruction

Innocence captivated by the universe,
tempted by the night.
Purity seduced by darkness,
the bearer of delight.


Alone to take on the world,
with child-like hope.
Naive in worldly ways,
only corruption to help cope.


Virtues tested by evil,
poked and prodded to conform.
Influencing little children,
leaving mothers forlorn.




Author notes


A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • masky
    April 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was very good! Mostly I loved the way you said very much in few words - you were neither too "showing it", neither hiding it completely. Very well put - as for the grammar, spelling, and so on, I have absolutely nothing to suggest, you've done a great job!
    This stanza:
    "Innocence captivated by the universe,
    tempted by the night.
    Purity seduced by darkness,
    the bearer of delight."
    I think it would have worked better if it were the last one. To leave an impact on the reader's mind, you know- because it definately left an impact on mine.
    All in one, good job! Thank you for your entry and good luck!


  • daviscth silver member
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love your choice of title for this.


  • The Slant
    February 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    your title is spelled incorrectly. and bearer (barer). i like the lines "poked and prodded to conform." decent.


    • marciakay81
      February 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks. that's been posted for a while and no one else has pointed out the mis-spelled words. thanks...i fixed it.


  • penman gold member
    February 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Very well done. Best of luck in the contest.

1 - 6 of 6