In sickness and pain I have arrived
and stolen from the mouths of babes
cries of anguish for the comfort of my putrid soul.
In terror their bodies twist and writhe;
In agony they suffer.
And though the sands sifting through the hourglass
searing their skin with heated blasts of gritty gashes
they live still and scream and beg for relief .
Let to live yet not to hope for life.
Nurtured to follow but not choosing to go.
With their splintered bones,
I will fashion my greedy crown
and sceptre with wich to rule
my hollow flesh bag childern.
But no,
I will not see their sunken eyes in my dreams
nor their blood on my hands.
How can I feel regret?
Would that not require me to feel at all?
What do you think could make this better?
Comments
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I like this one too!
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Righteous!
I have no advice for you to make this better. It rules just the way it is. You build it up and really deliver at the end. Bravo!! What an expression!
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ummm what could make this better....hmmmm.
well you started with an I statment and then to they statments, so maybe bring it back around to yourself again would make it a stronger ending.
I really liked it though.
"in sickness and pain I have arrived
and stolen from the mouths of babes
a tale of comfort for my putrid soul."
...was my favorite part.
I'm liking your work, very original and cool!
Creatress
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