“You might feel a small prick”, she told me.
It was certainly true,
but I’d felt smaller.
This one looked rougher,
he was slimmer, taller.
Rattling inside my head, confidence shouted at me
as he crossed the floor.
The arm band tightened,
pressure heightened:
Strong cheeks, a defined jaw.
His eyes glinted when he saw me coming
in his mind.
His hand shook as I walked in.
His laugh danced;
His body, a grin.
His game was clear: team captain.
Would I like to play?
Veins, raised with glasses.
Cues slipping between finger and thumb;
desperate looks from country lasses.
It was almost over, she assured me.
He reached for his glass,
I savoured mine.
Dressing me with deep eyes,
he smiled and asked for the time.
Author notes
Me: Ladame
3. Your [Dick] is Probably The Best Part Of You
A contest entry
- Make Me See Again by crystallynnbradford.
315 points, ended March 18, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In The Mood For Anything (Contest) by trista.
600 points, ended June 19, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POINTS- Easy Entries by NickelleteXninja.
600 points, ended July 8, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Chimera poetry by cricketjeff.
1250 points, ended June 22, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended June 25, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever..just make it good. [astonish me] by borrowing.moonlight.
1000 points, ended June 30, 2008, 160 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PW Party by Blooming Poet.
425 points, ended July 23, 2008, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think - in general?
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Definately makes me think and it sounds like a situation I've kind of been in, though not the exact same.
True though about guys that I've been out with, their dick is certainly the best part of them... -
Very enjoyable and I am glad you entered it, but it isn't really a chimera
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Not bad ...
not bad at all.
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Strange comment there, my dear Ecrivain :S
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I’m kind of surprised by a lot of the comments you’ve gotten on this...I saw the “injection” part as a great metaphor for meeting a guy and how that first time you set eyes on each other feels. I loved the story and descriptions! The rhyme scheme is different in S2 than the others, but I didn’t feel that hurt the poem in any way...though normally I’d say it’s best to be consistent. Having the word “me” at the end of L1 in 3 different stanzas put a lot of emphasis on “you”...that may be where you wanted the focus to be, but if not, might be something to consider editing. I did get the feeling this took place in a bar setting, it’s very subtle though...would love to see more description perhaps earlier in the poem to give it more clarity. All in all though, a great entry that I truly enjoyed...
Congrats on your previous HM!
Thanks so much for entering and good luck in all the contests.
Best wishes,
~J.
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I really liked this poem
and I absolutely loved the way that it ended.
Its amazing how some people write
this one just seems like it flowed in perfectly
and was read with a beautiful flow aswell. -
I didn't aim to write it about drugs, but if you guys interpret it like that, it's fine
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this was really well written, and i really liked the way you did the whole drugs bit
Great write
♥
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if i didn't know better i would think this was about drugs
. The line about his laugh dancing and his body grinning i liked, but i felt the ending could have been more powerful.
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It's about a meeting in a pub, blokey trying to chat me up, and my friend giving me little words in my ear - and conversation drifting out at the end.
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I'm not quite sure how this fits the concept of my contest.
But either way, whether it does or not, this was well penned.
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not quite sure that this fits the criteria..if it does...i'm not really getting it... might b me having a blonde moment....lol saying that tho this is a very well written piece..... thank you for sharing..... good luck..... hugs and love Linda xxxxxxxxxxx
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I know this was good, I just didn't get it. O.O.
Thanks & Good luck
BabyLove--x -
My prompt/inspiration was the line "you might feel a small prick" and then the first time I met my ex boyfriend.
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what was the prompt?
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I really like how this one is written.
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Honorable mention
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Interesting use of the two prompts you chose - injection and mistake. Poets take what they can from a poem; each sees something different in the lines. Keep writing.
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Interesting write here
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Well done!
Thnx for entering & Best of luck
GloriousGift
Heba -
this is the most impressive piece that I have read so far in the contest! thanks for entering and good luck!
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I'm happy for other people to take what they want from any of my poems. Really, I had the initial idea of a guy coming up to me in a pub, while I was talking to my girl friend and that which stemmed from that situation. He was my boyfriend, so he can't have been that bad really...then he proved what an arse he can be.
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i thought
i thought this was a young teen getting a vacanation needle and the doc was out to get her.i guess it was a guy girl thing.
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This was good
Oh you never know anymore and you did well on this piece -
I really don't know how to alter author's notes - I have asked someone, but have had no reply yet.
I entered Mistake and Injection. -
I need to know which other poem/s you entered so i can judge the contest correctly could you please enter it in your authors note thank you
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Now how on earth can anyone manage to make a poem about an injection seem erotic? I have no idea but you somehow have managed to do so Perhaps i just have a strange mind Good luck in the contest
Please do not reply to this comment as i wish to keep the contest Anonymous If you have not entered your second poem please do so making sure to name this one in your authors notes Thank you -
Thank you for entering my contest, best of luck to you,
Jin -
Thank you for your entry
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