Listen,
But you cannot tell.
Don't write it down, but remember it well.
Sister, say that you promise,
Just between us.
I will know if you mumble and spill it.
Even a whisper
Leaves marks in the dust.
Sister,
I love you so.
And know that my telling won't make the hurt go.
Sister, things have been done,
Without being asked.
I cry the night to keep this to myself
But the secret's too heavy,
You must carry half.
~~
Father,
Our time is gone.
To keep us together, consider it done.
Oh father, I need you so much,
You know it, don't ask.
I'm breaking inside and the fault is all mine,
But the blame is too heavy;
Father, please carry half.
~~
Author notes
"Hate the sin but love the sinner"
Dark poetry options; Option 4. Abuse.
Also,
Pic Prompt: Options contest, Invisible angels.
http://wb-skinner.deviantart.com/art/The-Secret-75364257
What a great picture.
Well I tried something a bit different for me here. telling the story and setting the scene in one voice, with two other, separate conversants, who are central to the thread of the story but almost not present. It seemed to work as a theme for the secret - kind of one way, stilted conversations. But underneath, the secret itself is the 'weight' of the title, too heavy to bear alone, which hopefully ties down the scenes without too much narration other than the older girl's whisperings.
I've deliberately set the girl as the true adult, and true protector of the family - through good and very bad.
A contest entry
- OPTIONS Contest!! by Nighttime angel.
925 points, ended February 17, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Poetry Options by RX-Queen.
375 points, ended February 19, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Abuse~And it's Effects~----I Hate the Games but Love the Player--- by Clinging-to-Life.
700 points, ended February 26, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Once More I speak to unsilence the issue by x-Black-Butterfly-x.
6000 points, ended March 8, 2008, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is beautiful! *tear*
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I love the way this is written, however, if you were to add a bit more emotion and maybe lengthen this a bit, i think it would be brilliant. You caught my attention, but the lack of detail about the situation was what i noticed most. Thank you for entering though i do appreciate it. And this is a very good write over all.
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this is so powerful and does display a deep meaning,. the way it is structured and written really captures alot in your words
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Please enter in your author notes what I have asked for. I will not read your write until then.
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OOps, I thought I'd done that, sorry!
Sorted.
Thank you.
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This is really well written. Great poem!
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First things first, that picture is adorable and a very smart source to find inspiration from... and the way you penned the emotions and everything from it was just amazing! Your piece is in one word, stunning. I LOVE IT! Well done and not that you should need it but good luck in the contest.
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a good narration of angst between siblings with only one speaking the 'hard' truth the question arises what is 'the half'? good work on this striking scenario thanks for sharing regards zaj
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You did wonderfully well with this. I can hear the voices of all three. I commend you on the power with in this piece. Bravo!
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Great piece. This is excellent work.
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I was able to get your name after the contest closed and your user-name intruiged me so I decided to check your profile out!
I loved this,
sometimes family pain is awful, but sometimes poems on the subject can be equally bad because poets just rant;
but this is a beautiful portrayl of pain and family bond,
I love the idea of 'carrying half', it's very inspiring!
Thanks for a lovely write and well done for winning my contest!
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Hey, thanks PA, I appreciate that. Thanks too for awarding me gold in your contest. You made my day!
Have a peaceful day.
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I like the way you did this. the conversations although from other people is done very well. The poem itself is excellent. you did a outstanding job with the picture prompt.
good luck
kat
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