Whistling through the trees
Hands entwined
Slipping down the ally-ways
Dripping
Soaking
Drenched
Lovers slipping through the rain
Clothes sticking, melded to human forms
Raindrops sliding down faces, arms, necks
Reminders of freedom, a new life to come
Trees bend under windy pressures
Puddles form on darkened roads
Splashing along a path
Together, admiring silence
Windy, rainy nights
Romance, fervour, love
Sweet, wet comfort
Caught in the rain
Author notes
lostangel07
A contest entry
- In the Rain at Night by Eternalsyn16.
600 points, ended February 20, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You deserved much better!!!!! by Great Cthulhu.
1450 points, ended March 16, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES! ROUNDS CONTEST!!! by Luminescence.
525 points, ended March 23, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So you're a poet huh? {{{PREWRITES WELCOME}}} TAKE 2 by Melissa Burns.
500 points, ended April 18, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Bless your wonderful self for entering this poem! This is exactly the sort of off beat poem I was looking for! I cannot wait to add you to my finalist list, thanks so much for giving me a bit of decent to read!
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Shancy was your judge for the contest… it was a nice piece… thank you for entering and participating in our contest and good luck,
~luminescence
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The usage of the word "slipping" so close together in such a short poem kind of bothered me. I will be quick to comment due to the volume of poems. Here is your score: Title: 9 Diction: 8 Syntax: 7 Wowness factor: 8 Total: 32
Thank you so much for entering and participating. Good luck, Shancy. -
The usage of "slipping" twice in such a short poem kind of bothered me. I will be quick to comment due to the volume of poems entered. Here is your score: Title: 9 Diction:7 Syntax: 7 Wowness factor: 9 Total:32 Thank you so much for entering and participating in this contest. Good luck, Shancy.
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Love in the Rain! Yay!
I really enjoyed this poem! I got the image of two young lovers running from shelter to shelter to steal a kiss then run on. Wonderful use of alliteration. Thank you for entering! -
this was really good, it put me right into the scene. i really liked your word choice and style, the short incomplete sentences both guiding the reader and letting him/her go where they want to. the fact that you decided to put love between two people in the poem as well speaks to me, in my opinion the rain is one of the best places to fall in love. to dance with that one special person and let all your worries wash away. your word choice is amazing too. . . slipping, dripping, sticking. . . you were even able to use the same word more than once and get away with it because it's so well penned. . . "Windy, rainy nights
Romance, fervour, love
Sweet, wet comfort
Caught in the rain"
my favorite, and a great way to end a wonderful poem!
by way of improvement. . . in this stanza: "Trees bend under windy pressures
Puddles form on darkened roads
Splashing alone a path
Together, admiring silence". . . the line "Splashing alone a path". . . did you mean along instead of alone? and it's a really good piece and i wouldnt change it unless you feel you should-poetry is, first and formost, art. and art should never be changed just because someone other than the artist says so- but you might want to try breaking up the lines a bit more, like instead of "dripping, soaking, drenched. . ." you might want to try:
Dripping,
Soaking,
Drenched. . .
but like i said, it's your art. Dont let anyone sway you to do something you dont want, it was just a suggestion. good poem though, really good. thanks for entering, and good luck. -
I love the rain, it is my favourite part of nature and there is nothing more romantic in my book, obviously there is no romance in South Aus right now because we haven't seen rain in months lol.... just beautifully penned sweets, you captured the beauty, softness and romance of it all, goodluck in the contest hun
Karen
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