through fire life is struck
and brambles burn to ash and dust
things that once were certain
now are lost amongst the must
lightning strikes the sky
and new-borns dance in fields below
rain washes cleanses silver stream
and angels weep as they go
she stands in silence deep
pondered thoughts of do and don't
the sorrow burning black
never fade to things that wont
and in that violet pitch we'll go
fading fading
follow show.
A contest entry
- Quickie Pic Promt by sweetgirlwa.
600 points, ended February 11, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is beautiful, and incredibly enjoyable to read. You embodied a lot of thought and almost painfully beautiful prose in not quite as many words as one would expect from such a title. I particulary liked how you had each stanza in a sentence form, but always had a very deliberate rhyme scheme.
she stands in silence deep
pondered thoughts of do and don't
the sorrow burning black
never fade to things that wont
I really liked this stanza. You did an amazing job. Write on, poet. -
Very Nice!
Awesome write!
Regards,
Degraw
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Maybe I have to know the contest prompt to get this one, cuz I don't really. Some interesting lines to be sure, but they seem disjointed, and who is "she"? "Life" as a title is a huge abstraction that doesn't serve this poem well. Hmmm. Just not sure. write on.
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Some very good lines. I agree with the new-borns dance in fields below line. That's a great one. I think maybe you could have made it a little longer so it would fade from one feeling to the oter smoother. But other than that its real good.
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excellent
lightning strikes the sky
and new-borns dance in fields below
rain washes cleanses silver stream
and angels weep as they go
what a scene you depict.imagery is astounding.Overall the poem was a great read .thanks for sharing.Please visist some of my poetry and offer comments. -
Well penned!
Best wishes in the contest!
*PEACE*
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Nice work, Thanks for entering, good luck
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AMAZING
Baby you are SO incredible!! Everything you write is so deep. You are like the king of abstract. I love it! Thank you for being my inspiration.
This poem is just awesome and abstract and there's so many possible meanings. you really know how to write poetry in its purest form.
she stands in silence deep
pondered thoughts of do and don't
the sorrow burning black
never fade to things that wont
That's my favorite part. You are just so freaking good my love. I wish you wrote more. I love you.
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