He is trudging down 41st street, shoulders hunched against the biting breeze; insipid algorithms haunting his thoughts like shadow puppets.
Twilight looms around achromatic buildings, surrounding him like some ever-impending gloom of loneliness.
Yet, as his right shoe crunches on a particularly red leaf, there is some novelty, some spark of sun-infused memory that sparks a smile to flicker across his face.
And for that fleeting moment he is dancing with autumn; alone, but not lonely at all.
xx
Author notes
a quick writing exercise with these words; red, novelty,
impend, algorithm, crunches.
find your own random words here:
http://www.zokutou.co.uk/randomword/
critique please.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I'm afraid I don't have your flair with critiques..so I hope you appreciate my honesty instead... ^_^ I like this poem..a lot..I like it..because first..the title draws me..unlike some poem where the title hints the poem..your title stands out..In the poem there is no mention of his name..and even after the readers finish..they still don't know if "He" is Anthony. I like the prose style..especially when it's short and compact. The only suggestion I have..since you mention that he dance with autumn, it doesn't make sense that his shoe will crunch on only one red leaf..so perhaps:
"As his right shoe crunches on yet another red leaf, there is still novelty..."
anyways..I love it as it is right now..very nice write..I hope to read more from you
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I love ever bit of this...except how you broke
up the lines doesn't make sense to me, you don't
see it done like that very often. But the ending
is lovely, my favorite part (other than the ending): particularly red leaf. This demands applause.
peace to all ~flight
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Well done! Very nice how you point out the power of a memory. The use of imagery is well done also. A great write, especially for an exercise.
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thanks a million
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An interesting little character piece. Beautiful.
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thank you ever so much
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