The light drizzle dampened our crocodile skin
a subtle mist cooled the ardent winds
the sun lavishly complimented
and the distant sky blushed
they didn't think they were unworthy
so the weeds grew tall around us
floating scents of baking cookies
wafted up from down the street
as we streached out on the grass
the ants marched across our knees
tetrahydrocannabinol provided a sweet release
and the clouds looked like heaven
a place for the angels to rest their wings
The moon slowly approached us
as he chased the sun away
turning the light powdery blue
into a deep azure grey
he contently smiled down on us
because we appreciated his grace
as he lit up the surrounding clouds
like they were the curtains on his stage
and the crickets quickly quieted down
when they heard us come their way
we eventually made our way back home
on the floor in my room we layed
i had to push the windows up
so we could savor the smell of the rain
we slipped into a bottomless sleep
only to dream of the next summer day
A contest entry
- a summer breeze ~ a season series by And Hyetal.
700 points, ended March 9, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever by crazymomma.
450 points, ended June 9, 2008, 76 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PEACE!!! by Shantti.
575 points, ended May 16, 39 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
any suggestions?
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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ah lovely - summer rain there - and dreams and smiles all swirling together within the rich descriptions, cookies and sky blushes, a good poem
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they didn't think they were unworthy
so the weeds grew tall around us
I love descriptiveness here.
This whole piece completely reminded me of summers as a kid.
I still think that's why I love summers so much!
You catch the euphoric emotions of of the day so blissfully I really loved reading this. Thank you
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Very good!
Lots of vivid imagery.
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Sounds like the perfect day to me! Great write
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You flood the readers senses with rich visual, audio, and scented imagery. I see the people in this poem as young, It gives me a wistful feeling of easy days.
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The last verse
"i had to push the windows up
so we could savor the smell of the rain
we slipped into a bottomless sleep
only to dream of the next summer day"
is my favorite. This was full of lovely and vivid imagery. It made me want rain even though all of Indiana is flooded LOL!
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brilliant.. loved it!
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Brilliant piece. The imagery throughout, phrase by phrase and stanza by stanza is just fantastic. The description of sense is in detail, and the poem flows extremely well, I don't know the contest so my critisism may be off. I found it lacked description of sound to make the poem complete. Though that is just my opinion, great language, glad to read this
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thanks, but what do you mean lacks description of sound?i guess im simple cause im not sure what that means.
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Well, your poem describes every sense indepth. Though it had little to do with what the atmosphere or place described in the poem sounded like, what the characters heard while gazing into the sky
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great imagery. It is very beautiful.
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Really good
This was a very interesting piece. Simple in what it said but offered wonderful imagery to the reader. I found this poem to be very peaceful and easy to read. Nice job.
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yes, yes this is good. this can be fully, truly analyzed. this has depth and meaning and layers.
I would b careful with the rhyme. but thats about it for critique.
truly a great poem...
unfortunately, this has a background which makes it nearly unreadable.
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Holy hell. Honestly..i thought itd be a flop. because of your title and backround idk..just the poem was amazing. outstanding...
<3
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A wonderful love poem. I really liked your title. This poem was a little hard to read because of the background and the font, but I loved it anyways.
Thank you for entering.
~Cassie
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A beautiful piece, rich with very unique imagery. You have pieced together a wonderful poem. Superbly penned. Best of luck in the contest with it
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