please don't change, please don't break.

the incandescence of my smile in your presence is fading,
and i don't think you've been listening well enough to
the words i haven't said to notice that
your periodic indifference has finally permeated
the walls i keep up to hide my extreme adoration of
your existence. how am i supposed to pretend
that you aren't everything i want? that
your absence will ever be acceptable?

is there a difference between lying and simply
not saying a thing? is hate the opposite of love,
or is it something more like
the feeling in the pit of my stomach when i realize
that knowing half of everything is still pretty much nothing.
pretty much. you say it like a song on repeat, but
do you know the weight of those words?
To a Fair Degree; Moderately. Almost, Nearly, Approximately.
no concrete answer, another testament to your apathy.

me: the insatiable hunger to be satiated. to be full. to have
everything i need. to find the person who calms me down
when i start to make a scene with my unrestrained excitement,
my irrational behavior: you, you, you, you.
you? how would i know anything but the color of your eyes,
the rhythm of your steps, and small details from
occasional outbursts of trust? you. keeping my words inside me.
you. could there be a change? it drives me crazy and
you know i won't say a damn thing. or, you should. do you?