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Circus of Life

 

  The tents billow
  in ruined spectacles;
  soiled silk sewn
  to splintered spikes.
  Broken pegs.

  Threadbare walls
  that drip frayed string,
  coming apart at the edges.

  The tethered tents
  drift in static motion;
  kimono butterflies
  dwell within.

  The tightropes snap
  under bending bodies
  that dance as they fall,
  and land on dusty carpets,
  stained by shattered marrow.

  Oriental rugs
  thrown over crushed grass,
  brittle gray tones.

  The winds weep,
  haunted voices.

  The spectators clap
  at the final spectacles;
  collapsed safety nets
  that bleed dusts.

  As the tents fall;
  giant curtains
  over shattered stages.
  They grasp at life
  with broken fingers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

"And the spectacle of life continues, like a circus tent collapsing" - Electric Sunrise
Image by myownself at deviantart.com
Chelsea
Melted Dawn

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Tangled Angle
    June 10

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    173

    I loved the imagery - but kind of felt some of it was pointless. There might have been an abstract meaning, but you didn't develop it enough to give it an abstract feel, enough of a feel to get the reader to think "maybe there's more meaning to this" - because it seemed like you simply took the circus and made the metaphor - but some of it didnt seem to have any meaning.

    Example:

    "Oriental rugs
    thrown over crushed grass,
    brittle gray tones."

    - otherwise, there was an abstract feel - but the jumping around from idea to idea kind of gave it the dizzy feel, as chandni said. with better transitioning this would be more cohesive.

    what you do have here though, is great. i definitely enjoyed this. very unique idea -- just needs some polish on the execution.

    good luck.


  • Never Fall in Love gold member
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good - the imagery and the dizzyness from me rapidly reading in hope to get to the next line - brilliant

    Never ♥


  • Electric Sunrise Moderators member
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    Okie dokes, lets get to this then ey?

    1: Coherency, 10/10 (Anyone who can delve into slightly even abstract work will enjoy this)

    2: Spelling, punctuation and grammer, 10/10.

    3: Originality, Marks out of 10/10.

    4: Theme and issue, Marks out of 10.

    5: Cleverness, use of image, similie, 5/5. Some very very powerful imagery here, a startling and vivid read

    6: Ability to maintain my interest from start to finish: 5/5. Great start, powerful ending.

    Final tote: 50/50 EXCELLENT WORK

  • x-Black-Butterfly-x silver member
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    just wow this is amazing as always your ords so beautifully written (de j vu but i swear i read this...maybe i dream poems )

1 - 5 of 5