I'm so scared my Valentine,
of being left behind;
To watch my man, a soldier, leave
with hopes I'm on his mind -
I'll miss this month for what it's worth
in years he's yet to give;
I only hope, for what it's worth,
they'll let us nights to live -
and pray I'll not a soldier grieve
in years not yet gone by;
We're so young my Valentine,
thus yet to tell is time.
Author notes
(he leaves the fifteenth).
Please note that at the moment he's reservist, and so far his stints away have only been just over a month, and only training.
edit: He's off on a six month deployment to the Solomons February next year, wonder if he'll leave on Valentines again...
A contest entry
- Valentine Poetry... a contest for teens age 13 to 18 by Melodies.
600 points, ended February 12, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Release Me by sensualbutterfly.
300 points, ended July 28, 2008, 79 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Girlfriends/Boyfriends of People in the Military by Still Gonna Shine.
950 points, ended September 20, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest, I promise it won't hurt;
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Yeesh, you've certainly got a load to bear. We all do...
This is a work of art
The spacing, the rhyme, the rhythm, all good.
Best wishes to you and your guy - SGS -
Aw... that is so sad. You are the first one to enter my contest with a poem about a soldier and I absolutely loved it. May God keep him and bring him safely home to you. And when you speak with him..tell him your friends at Allpoetry say thank you for all that he does for us. Thank you again for the entry
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aww sweetie..
so much we much indure..
good luck in my contest.
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"they'll let us nights to live -" - this line reads a tad shaky to me. I feel it's the "they'll let us nights" part, it just seems too much said in one short part. It doesn't roll off the tongue right away, as all the other lines do. I understand what it says, it just seems a tad shaky compared to the rest of the poem.
A good poem that you have written here.
-Nam -
This is really sweet. My ex boyfriend (Whom i'm still best friends with, and will probably one day be with again) was considering Joining. Just thinking about it was hard. His brother is being shipped to Iraq right when he gets back from Korea, so this poem really hits home for me. Its a wonderful piece.
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Being a soldier myself I know what it feels like leaving someone behind. This poem really is beautiful. It is slightly outside of the scope of what I was looking for but still. Thanks for entering it into my contest.
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Thanks, and you're right. I just looked back at the contest and it is a little left of field.
But it's nice knowing that at least it isn't an uncommon experience. (Since he enlisted, I've realised how many people are or will soon be in the Army. I guess I just didn't think to ask before).
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This is an extremely moving, and heartfelt piece. I can only imagine what it would be like to see your partner leave for war.
hope that he comes back safely to you. You seem like a strong person, and that will be what will help him through it, knowing that you're so strong for him.
Thank you for entering, and I wish you luck. -
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I should perhaps clarify that at the moment it's only training
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am i allowed to say that for a sixteen year old this is one hell of a poem. for anyone this is a hell of a poem in fact. well done, poignant, heartfelf and an interesting take on the valentine theme. good luck in the contest.
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This is awesome. I don't easily take to poems with any sort of rhyme scheme, but this one had me transfixed. It's a perfect length - just enough to convey the story and emotions while still leaving for more. The opening and closing lines are definitely the highlight of the poem for me, and are replaying through my head now that it's through.
as for critique - the style didn't leave much room for emotion, which was disappointing in a sense, but by no means horrible. I feel you could add more to the title in order to make it more enticing/different (while still keeping the date).
I enjoyed this
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This has the flow in it that I always wish I could write...so sweet and definitely bookmarked. Congrats on a well-deserved gold.
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Too little about who this person is to you. Make us miss him too. You don't gotta...but it would make the piece better. Is he against the war? Are you? I don't know. Does he really have to go, or could you have moved to Canada? Would you?
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His service is completely voluntary, s'what he's always wanted to do.
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I am very impressed with this piece. You conveyed sadness so well. Great write and congrats on the gold
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It saddens me to think of what that must be like. You are a strong person for sure. Very nice. It reads like a letter from deep within the heart.
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Very mature and astoundingly wonderful... Much congrats!
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This beautiful message truly touched my heart.
Sweetly and tenderly expressed, this valentine reaches out worldwide with its words. 
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this is so sad, i'm sorry for you... One of my favorite parts was..."I'm so scared my Valentine,
of being left behind;" The first line was just a really good opening to the poem. I could feel your pain when I read the poem great job, keep up all the good work and good luck on my contest...
Fluffy
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