Gone Forever

I came home from soccer practice,
I remember it was late afternoon,
I got a glass of water,
and walked down the hall to your room.

Your door was shut,
which was strange for you.
I knocked twice,
and then opened the door.

That day,
still haunts me,
but most particularly,
this next scene.

I heard glass shatter,
I had dropped the cup I was holding.
You were on the floor.
Your eyes were open.

A gun was in your hand,
there was blood everywhere.
On the wall and on the floor.
I cried out,
and stumbled back out of the door.

I ran down the hall,
into the living room.
I guess I thought that if I could get an ambulance quick enough,
they could save you.

I don't remember the ambulance ride,
or getting to the hospital.

I remember a nurse and a cop.
They asked me what happend,
I didn't say anything,
I didn't want to get you in trouble.
But they said it might be vital.
So I told them everything.

And then Riley was there,
I think I might have called him.
He hugged me tightly,
and said he had borrowed your car to get there.
He was only fifteen.

He held me as I cried,
I think he might've cried a little, too.
He said he'd already called mom and mike,
and I didn't have to worry about telling them,
they already knew.

I'd never seen that side of Riley.
He was always so tough and hard.
He hardly ever showed so much compassion for another person.
That was your part.

And then the doctor came.
I still remember every word he said.
Then he looked at me sadly.
My big brother was dead.

Riley really did cry then.
But I didn't.
I knew it wasn't true.
My big brother wouldn't do that.

My big brother wouldn't do that.
He wouldn't leave me.
he wouldn't kill himself.
he knew how much I needed him.

But I was wrong.
And you were dead.
I was alone,
at least it felt like it.

Your funeral is a blur.

I spent the next few weeks,
an emotional train wreck.
I didn't care about anything but you.
Things just didn't seem that important.

Angel locked himself in his room.
Riley wouldn't talk to anybody.
Mom started working late,
and Mike started drinking.

You were gone forever,
and we didn't know what to do.
The day you took your life,
you took ours too.