His thoughts are
the clasp on a silver chain,
gently fallen between
my breasts, into pendants
of last night's kisses, morning
whispers, pastel vignettes.
Author notes
inspired by the contest picture
http://allpoetry.com/contest/2387146
A contest entry
- twenty four by le soir.
2400 points, ended March 13, 2008, 21 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
-
Tight metaphor, lean style, the bubble of a memory.
-
for indeed, morning whispers are what enjoyable days are founded from.
a sweet write...
Len
-
********
How did I miss this? No wonder it won gold. It's
perfect.
Joe
-
Wow, original and captivating! love the first two stanzas especially in this. It's nice having you single out a poem or two for us to look back at this way.
-
to be the jewel in your navel, the gem in your ear, the piercing near your sacred places,
to bend and meld as you move, attached to you permanently like some tongue frozen to metal, a cherished bit of your favorite body decor and denied leaving, how exquisite that would be. LOL~~Artis
-
Gorgeous words
This is a worthy gold award winning entry.
The romantic atmosphere created by your well-chosen work is breathtaking. I love the metaphoric resonance in the first two stanzas - comparing thoughts to the clasp on a chain is quite startling and memorable. It is wownderfully symbolic.
I'm not sure you need that comma after breasts because the spacing between the stanzas already gives me a short break between the lines.
Lovely work,
BJ.
-
wow...yes, this truly deserves the Gold...i love it. Lane
-
Looks gold to me.
Perfect dear Tara, just perfect.
Becky
-
An enjoyable piece of poetry, I like the imagery here of the pendant and chain with kisses and the smiles roaming in between the lines, a good poem.
-
Brilliant
I am at a loss for words.
-
oh...Tara...
this is so well done my beautiful poet!!!
there is so much about your poetic voice that is so very rich and elegant...
how I envy and admire your talent...
this is breath taking...
tweny four words of perfection...
this reads like gold...
Blessings! Tammy
-
Very sensuous. Done with gentleness and taste.
-
Perfect! To say more would spoil the moment
Mari
-
These words flow so gently when said aloud. I can just imagine these words rolling like a chain would roll when a kiss is placed gently between breasts
very wonderful, very!
-
you have magic in your thoughts Tara..
-
beautiful poem, Tara!
-
awwwwwwww
i couldnt hepl but blush a little while i read this one. you spun such a vivid image with so few words. truly amazing. once again, you never cease to amaze me with your work. never stop writing.
Rob -
Lovely, it read like soft breathing in my ear.
Well done.
Jim -
i've been thinking about this sublime poem: i like it because the word 'charm' combines the bicameral power of magic, and of a loving embrace (arms). also, the 'falling between my breasts' is highly evocotive of, um, breasts.
i just lost my train of thought.
oh, yeah. thoughts as a pendulum of night swinging between a kiss and whisper.
-redphish
-
I love the personification here. Really a beautiful use of language and image No crit 
-
The third stanza really makes this poem - well done!
-
-
I love the image of the pendant, an image close to the heart. Lovely and sensual. A great piece.
-
Beautiful
Just as a silver pendant is held close to your heart, so too is he. This is wonderfully sweet and loving without being "too mushy," if you know what I mean. Like a silver chain suspended, it is elegant and gently flowing. Extremely effective for so few words.
CaliOkie
-
The sensual remembered kisses
and the mornin' whispers...
...Sighhh!
Charming, my Friend.
~ Nicky♥
-
Beautiful piece of poetry
-
Beautiful
Such a fine poet. Nicely written.
Paul
-
Such lucky dreams of glittered beams to hang in strands of golden wishes...
-
You have painted a smile in the canvas of my seem to be obsolete face.
I like brief poems so much and this is one of the pieces that I really like from this site. There is a spark and blush within the words and lines from the writer to the reader.
Thanks for making my day dear friend.
HENSLEY
-
Absolutely love this March. I've been in his shoes I think, my thoughts returning to her and some of the more intimate moments of the memory. Funny, in my minds eye I saw the clasp against the pendant, which is usually fixed by the woman wearing the necklace upon inspection by rotating the chain so the clasp is out of sight. Maybe you're trying to go about your day, your routine, but they keep sliding back into sight. I love the things I get from your poetry March. Don't ever stop writing, you'd definitely leave a void.
-
-
have you ever heard of that saying - if the clasp of your necklace turns around to the front then someone is thinking about you?..lol so..I am happy you commented about this, thanks
-
-
No I've not heard of it. Interesting saying though.
-
-
yes, it is, I think it's a womens' saying..lol - and you totally understood in the poem exactly my thoughts while writing it; the images I wanted to give to the reader about her going about her day...those thoughts that keep sliding back like a clasp..perhaps two people thinking about each other and their previous night together
-
-
-
wow - thanks, Jake..
-
-
May I say - perfect?
~Sonja~
-
very sensual with some tender-sexy imagery and good metaphors.
the last two lines sre perfect...well done.
-
Superb.
-
Oh my! You temptress. Each time I read a poem of yours I am awed by the power of it. This one really struck me.
-
Hard to believe this is only 24 words because you've created a chain of visuals and emotions with this one. Loved the sensuality here and the way the words seem to trickle down this page too...right between the breasts. Beautiful!!
~ Nicolette
-
Beautiful... I wish I were a link on that chain of thoughts! Good luck in the contest!
-
beautiful... so soft and warm soothing collection of words! great job, the star of poetic sky!
- namita
-
wow ... ... glad i passed this contest up
... man, i love and adore the way you drip reminisces full of warmth and fluids that glow way way past the moment. this is absolutely beautiful, Tara.
every word and line and stanza is placed with perfection and ease ... a true poet's flair
Bravo
-
oh my! What a beautiful and descriptive
piece of poetry this is! I love it.
my favorite part is:
"
His thoughts
are the
clasp
on
a silver chain
gently
falling
between my breasts"
beautiful! good luck in the contest. -
WOW! Oh, Tara, I wish a woman would write such words for me. LOL! My dear, this is stunning.
Adding your comment:
1 - 44 of 44
