Darkness falls quick upon blackening night,
as waves crash like thunder upon shore.
The gothic castle fades from day’s sight,
as worried elves pace upon stone floor.
An elvish queen sits alone on her throne,
her emptiness expressed in her face.
Janel cries loudly that “one is alone”,
Her spirit rushes from forbidding place.
Her spells, may find her man.
She calls and seeks in her ghostly travel,
as Janel projects through the dying land.
The queen’s vision begins to unravel.
Dazien still breathes, it is no other;
ancient red dragon grasps him in his jaws.
Janel sees the wounded king, above her.
She becomes astral phoenix with flame claws.
Phoenix turns her fireblast, anger stirred.
The phoenix rakes fire into dragon armor.
The ancient beast turns to meet firebird,
dropping its prey into nearby water.
Firebird and firebeast meet and become one.
His scales drop from scorched flesh as he dies.
Red dragon, oldest of his kind, undone;
the blazing body falls from the night skies.
Fire bird spirals down and crashes,
as a blazing meteorite.
A woman takes form from ashes,
off walks a naked elvish sprite.
She pulls beloved from a forest river
Happily, greets him with a healing kiss.
He wakes slowly, an unnatural shiver.
Arm in arm, they dissolve into the mist.
Author notes
1. Phoenix (Alex needs a life)
A contest entry
- Magic? Dragons? Anything fantasy! by azoyz.
450 points, ended March 7, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me: Fantasia of Fairy Tales From all Over the Kingdom by BlueEyeWonder1988.
300 points, ended February 16, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Phoenixs by Fallen-Knight.
600 points, ended February 18, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You Got Five Choices.. and one chance! :P by GuardianPhoenix7289.
1425 points, ended March 3, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sunday Quikie for PIF I won from Desire and Beret55 by SpiritMother.
575 points, ended April 5, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Criticize freely, I need input to improve
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Actually...I have written a poem about dragons called "The Flames of Fear", but you already read that one. =D
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"The gothic castle fades from day’s sight,
as worried elves pace upon stone floor."
Extremely excellent...brilliant...superb...uhh, I love these 2 lines!! =] Makes me think of Santa's workshop meets bad evil Hannibal.
"Janel sees the wounded king, above her."
Additional space in between 'sees' and 'the'...just too many taps on the space key.
"The phoenix rakes fire into dragon armor.
The ancient beast turns to meet firebird,
dropping its prey into nearby water."
Love this...great imagery and very cool, especially with the 'dragon armor'. I love phoenixes as well, thanks to J.K. Rowling.
"and become one."
Not especially unique...maybe "and unify" or something similar to that effect.
Besides that...great write and thank you for providing the URL to me...I don't have a favorite dragon poem I've written (I haven't written any apart from the one you read so recently).
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EXCITING AND WONDERFUL!!!!
Just what a good fantasy should be exciting and tender at the same time.
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Very vivid. The imagery was simply excellent. I enjoyed this piece very much. "as a blazing meteorite" loved that line. Excellent piece. Well done!
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Mmmmm interesting! :)
I liked it! A very interesting take on my most favorite mythical creature!
Thank you for entering it!!! 
And good luck! I liked the flow in this and it was very upbeat! Great job!!!
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power,excitement and rhyme! i love this so good luck
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I liked the story to this
The ending being my favorite part
good luck in the contest
~sugar~
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I like the phoenix story a lot . .
It reminds me of Harry Potter in the 2nd book. Have u been reading a lill' Potter lately? If not it's all good. I really love this poem. Goodluck in my contest.
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AMAZING!
That was very amaing, i wish you luck in the contest -
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Thank you,
It's one of my favorites. Thank you for making the time to say something about it. I love fantasy and the magical world. Look forward to checking out your work.
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this was a great and wondrous Fantasy tale!
I loved every bit of it, how you set the scene, placed the passion of your words upon the page. imagery metaphor (at least i thought it)
If anything i'd recheck the rhythm on a few places, see if it flows smoothly from verse to verse
but aside from that, you make it very hard to give critique
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thanks FED
It's one of my favorite pieces. But, very flawed. I like the story in the poem. That's the one part, I need to hold onto.
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