Rehearsed indifference cast aside,
tears march like soldiers, traverse my cheeks:
the newest arrival to our lamenting crew.
"Ten times the man I ever was!"
No answer. From any of us, I mean. Not you.
We refuse to use past-tense verbs just yet.
Instead, we are waiting, waiting, waiting,
and still waiting for you to stir.
For years we tread water, as for years we have,
for you to wake from what we hope is a sleep.
A common fantasy defies the impossibility of group hallucination:
replacing your unwound brain in its niche;
reworking fifteen pieces of skull back to its whole;
creating a graft for an eroded jugular;
bringing you back to life. Or, we'll just wait.
Author notes
I wonder how many times a subject can be used before it gets old? I think this is my third David poem, but I'll say it again:
David was my brother, until he smashed his head in a car accident two years ago.
Well... step-brother, but same thing to me.
A contest entry
- Progressive Poetry Contest by poetryality.
1750 points, ended February 22, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Your opening line is dramatic. Your use of "Rehearsed", and "cast" brings the poem to the stage at the onset.
You have helped me to see why I love this form. The opening line has total responsibility. It must grab the reader, the next two lines, must pull the reader in a yard more, then 3 yards...you get the picture because you've done that here, with this writ.
Your cry in the second stanza brought a "soldier from my cheek" to join your "crew". Clever scibe, indeed!
Splendid work! You have my condolences with the loss of your family member. It is good that you write poetry and use "David's" name. He says; "don't make it cheesy". But how could you? I see your gift clearly.
Thank you for this entry, You have mastered this form.
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
Adding your comment:
