My son
In shallow swoon,
You slumber deep,
Lying still in breath of sleep;
In prayer.
~
Lord,
Son's ash in field of blooms,
Blown petal-sweet on sleep, entombed,
Perfumed, internal rolling hills,
The reflexed shield to Satan's mill.
Cross'd,
Oh heart, sown slow at peace,
Sweep rain of tears upon the wheat,
Feast now on dreams of counted sheep,
To grow the dreams he dreamed to reap.
~
My son
In shallow grave,
You fellow peace,
Remembered in each breath's release.
Author notes
In memory of a lost son (imagined)
A contest entry
- couch in the meadow by zillion.
300 points, ended February 11, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotions by Scarlettsea.
325 points, ended February 15, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Don't Wing A Prayer by Carly Pop.
1000 points, ended May 15, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This is a nice poem. I liked it as it is. Shancy.
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thank you so much for your beautiful touching poem
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This poem is very touching indeed. It was wonderful.
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this was quite a 'touching' hymn to a lost son - very good job the ending was great and then i came to 'of prayer' - did not think you needed this exactly here at the end great job on/for an imaginary 'lost' son thanks for sharing regards zaj
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Yes it could end like that, you're right. I don't normally edit but I like what you've suggested. I'll edit it that way, thanks
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applaud this poem
A very moving piece. I like the way you have written this one. I feel your sorrow in this. Good poem -
applaud this poem
A very moving piece. I like the way you have written this one. I feel your sorrow in this. Good poem
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An enjoyable piece of poetry, a good steady beat here when reading, slow and easy, giving time for the sorrow of the piece to work its way through. A good poem.
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wow a very emotional poem you have done your son proud i am sure he be i love this my son in a shallow grave you fellow peace remembered in each breaths release of prayer it feels such a real piece i wouldnot have thought of it being a imagery
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Y'know, they say the wages of sin is death. I read something like this, and I wonder what other thing they're terribly wrong about.
Well written piece. A great honorariums. -
wow...this hits hard.
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beautiful
i'm sure for anybody who has really dealt with such a tragedy, this would be a real prize for them to find. You emphasized just the right words and the flow was remarkable. After i read it once, i went ahead and read it again out loud. excellent job.
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So moving!
This is beautiful! It has a wonderful flow to it. I'm glad it isn't about a real son. It did, however, move me to tears.... Thank you for sharing!!!
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This is so eloquent and it flows so beautifuly!!! thank you so very much for sharing your talent
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Bautifully written. I'm glad that it is imagined rather than a real prayer for a lost son. The imagery is excellent and the meter and rhythm are too. I am not sure what "You fellow peace" means.
Good work.
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Thank you.
To answer you question, I use the verb ' to fellow'.
Definition:
To suit with; to pair with; to match.
I hope that helps
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