I peel a clementine; the spray
transports me to a happy time--
spun sugar cotton candy day
with my high hopes and trees to climb.
The earth unfolds to sun so bright
to send her many fragrant flowers.
Sweet lilac reaches for the light
and washes clean in springtime showers.
Grapes ripen on the summer vine
pressed in my palm by Gram, "to grow".
Sweet flour, anisette combine;
upon the board the slap of dough.
Among the apple trees and peach
and warm pies baked with cinnamon
I breathe the scents of old and reach
back to my childhood dreams again.
Author notes
Rule #5:
I will let you know I'm not a huge fan of rhyme. If you use it, it had better be done well. I'm not a really "cutesy" person. Nostalgia ≠ make me vomit.
I sincerely hope that my nostalgic, rhyming poem does not make you vomit!
A contest entry
- Heaps of good options, please enter! by Peachy.
600 points, ended February 29, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Stroll Down Memory Lane (PW welcome) by thepoetsings.
700 points, ended August 2, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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So...I commend you for a job well-done. Upon reading this a second time (without looking first at the AN), it did take me a bit of time to realize this rhymes. You did a great job of making the poem flow naturally and not forcing the language. I actually liked the subtle rhyme, and that's saying something.
I loved the first two lines and the last stanza for an opening and closing, respectively. It's just lovely; thanks for sharing! -
My oh-so-popular (or not!) editorial remarks.
- lines 6-7. I'm not quite sure I'm understanding the thought there...
- line 11. I think you forgot a period.
- line 16. The comma there isn't actually needed.
Ha, your AN made me laugh. I'll comment further when judging the contest (and say nice things!). Thank you for your entry -
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Thank you for the punctuation reminders. In lines 6-7 I am making a transition to aromas I associate with spring. In fact, each stanza focuses on a season (winter, spring, summer, fall) and the aromas linked to each and the memories they trigger. Hope that clarifies.
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cute
cute and well written for the prompt . . these smells are far better than most . . liked "Sweet lilac reaches for the light" and "I breathe the scents of old and reach"
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A wonderful contribution to the contest as well as the content!
I loved the many choices you made.
The first reference was very visual along with the fragrance!
I found it interesting how you used the 19th century use of apostrophic contractions. I've done that before for the sake of meter, but in contemporary poetry... guess what? You don't have to!
Good rhythm with this.
Use of "Sweet" was twice. Did you intend that?
The title... It's almost there. Perhaps you can choose a moving line within the piece:
Alternate title ideas:
~That Which Breathes~
~ Inhale~
~ I Breathe A Memory~
Wonderful!
F
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good luck in the contest, youve really captured the nostalgia and atmosphere of aromas! this made me feel like i was there in your childhood, very sweet and wonderful imagery. beautiful!
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Oh, I just loved this poem. I love how you describe the smells and sounds of life. Very nostagic. It reminds me of my own tree climbing days.
It has a nice flow and rhyme.
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This said many things but it was very clever to think of how smells transport you back to your childhood.
This rhymed well and thank you for your entry.
Good Luck!
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Beautiful, with so much imagery. It really appeals to all of one's senses and creates a wave of nostalgia..
Well done!
Hugz,
Sunflower.
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Well you have opened my senses with your lovely words. Great imagery . Thank you for sharing this delightful poem. You take care, Sandy
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I love how sweetest memories can be recalled from a familiar scent. Lilacs always remind me of my grandfather. He had the most beautiful bush growing beside his front porch.
I especially loved this particular part...
"I peel a clementine; the spray
transports me to a happy time--
spun sugar cotton candy day
with my high hopes and trees to climb."
A beautiful poem that leaves a lovely touch of nostalgia.
A pleasure to read.
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This is wonderful! The imagery of odor is hard to compose and you nailed it. This is a perfect rhyming octosyllabic quatrain; love it!
Love,
Amera♥
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This is lovely!!!
I absolutely love the images in this-
the senses it triggers!
Fantastic
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You took me back to the smells of my grandma's kitchin and her living room and it was a wonderful memory.
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