We danced across the years togther,
your soft, strong fingers intwined with mine,
gliding through the elderly, sturdy pines
of the woodland of friendship.
Never have we wandered off
the old, grainy, familiar path.
It’s cracked and worn
crumbling a little after each step we take....
this world cannot last.
Come away with me,
destroy all we have,
create something new and beautiful, hand in hand.
Let me lead you past the door of mere companions,
let us venture into a world of passion,
much beyond the best of friends.
Kiss me softly like the gentle flutter of a butterfly wing,
acquaint me with the taste of your soul.
Author notes
This is Lostintheshadows33.
I've been stuck. I am struggling poetically with everything I write. Stupid muse. Well, something is better than nothing....
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 4 [Top 12] by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended February 12, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
let me know how you like it =]
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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a moving poem! wow! your writing skills have improved SO much (since the last time i read ur poetry.. before.. like a couple years ago)!
this is a sweet poem.. romanticc.. <3 i like it a lot. i especially like the last two lines of the first stanza..
keep the juices flowin, girlfriend!
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ah yes, the realms of friendship and love, sometimes it is hard when you wish for more than friendship - a good poem
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alright
You had some poignant wording, even moving. I know how it feels to look at your work and find it awkward. As John D. McDonald once told Stephen King, "The only way to learn to write is to write." Good piece.
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I agree with Tyler, I think you could have done better, though I more than understand the torment that is writer's block.
Before I forget (as I'm want to do), in the line "Kiss my softly like the gentle flutter of a butterfly wing," did you mean "my" or "me"?.
Try focusing on the imagery you're creating and paint it on with words instead of telling us what the picture is about.
Good luck
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Try something shorter lined and less descriptive but more powerful words next time. Thanks for entering something rather than nothing, apprieciated and the effort is well noticeable.
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7.2
Sweet, but cliche. I like how well this flowed, however. Not your best in the competition...I know you could have done better. I hope you didn't give up.
Score: 7.2
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Thanks. I know this definitely isn't my best. I've just been struggling with my personal life and my muse has gone on me (once again). It's also hard because I don't feel I've earned making it this far, it feels like I've just gotten lucky with some people not entering and my team winning one round so I was saved. I don't feel like I deserved to have made it this far.
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That's understandable. As for not deserving to be here...def. not true. Anyhow, best of luck this round.
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