In the deepest darkest corners of my mind
An un-opened package for no-one to find
A childhood painted black
No window, no crack
A blank page history stained with tears
faded into yellow after all these years
Wonder what’s been done
in the yesterdays gone
Nothing to hide, nothing to share
Conversations left in the air
echoes against the wall
of my fortress soul
A barrier rushed to shore
against the tide of what was before
A memory buried in a rootless fear
watered by an misplaced tear
Ghosts linger with voices hollow
laugh like ancient friends
carry away all my sorrow
to where the road begins and ends
An empty room nobody’s home
Still get the feeling when I’m alone
tripping over echoes of time
hazy fog reminder of what was mine
Friendships and relationships, a hopeless dream
swept away by a ceaseless stream
reaching through the flow a thread to string
the emptiness still lingering
Nightmares echoing in my head
the things that were left unsaid
The debris of a well wrapped past
brushed away, never meant to last
Cobwebs in the corners of my mind
but no spider to be found
What was once, we’ll never see
I’m just ……… me
Author notes
I was placed into foster care just after birth and raised by various families. Very little I can recall, but those I have, I love them all! (plse refer to the 5th verse from top/bottom - have changed the rhythm to reflect)
The last word "me" can be taken in three ways:
1. me
2. shortened form of my name (I'm known as Merinda) or
3. miss like in Miss. Smith (Me. in my native tongue translates to "Miss.")
indicating my identity.
A contest entry
- Unopened Packages... by JM Kenyon.
1750 points, ended February 15, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What is your earliest memory? by Judith Chandler.
590 points, ended November 2, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkest Corners Of The Mind by Jeb.
900 points, ended April 5, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I felt sad when I read your poem but it sounds like there are some wisps of memory and you do value those. It just shows what can happen when children's lives are disrupted like that.
All the best and thanks for your submission. -
memory laned
Oh wow.
here's to the memories (die verlede is vol herinneringe wat ontplof as mens dit oopgrou in oomblikke van berou) and to good writing.
I can taste the dust and feel the emotions. Well done.
Some editing perhaps for the diamond to catch more light:
"cobwebs in the corners of my mind
but no spider to be found"
and maybe "echoing" instead of "ringing" to strengthen the image created by "things left unsaid"
Also "ghosts still lingering" where the "still is redundant" and it will also allow you then to use the mush stronger and forceful "linger" as in "Ghosts linger with voices hollow .... and carry away my sorrow/to where the road begins and ends"
"tripping over echoes of time" is just one of the many inspirational and creative lines.
I love this poem and think that it can stand well even without the first two stanzas.
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Thanks for reading and also your input Neef. I have made some changes you suggested - really appreciate your time taken to polish the piece. Wrote the poem in a hurry to be in time for a contest entry, so went with my first instincts. Your changes definitely add value. The first two stanzas were to tie in with the contest header "unopened packages" to lure the reader into my unopened "world". I think I'm going to leave them as is.
Thanks for you positive feedbak and I'm glad you liked it
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Thanks so much for entering your poem in this contest.
I'm so sorry to be so late in commenting and judging.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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Precious memories those childhood days. I was luckier than you I had a mother and a stepfather, but still I sought my independence at an early age.
Yours is an excellent write and great closing lines. Keep it up friend. P.S. you might want to look in on "rbruce" an Australian rancher poet who writes about the land. Check out a piece titled "the Hill." Happy trails -
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David, thank your for sharing your thoughts. Your positive feedback is valuable.
Life is but a bundle of thought.
Aren't we all so happy to be part of this universe in our own small way! Just think some of us are luckier to see God's gift earlier in our lives.
Will have a look at rbruce - thanks!
Be happy neighbor!
Love you lots,
Mxxx
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The more I read of yours...the more interested i become
Your heart is much travelled....with pieces scattered all over Africa...keeping the ones you love close to your soul
And with every poem I see you grow as a poet
Express your dreams Miss....and your fears...and the past
Express them and let them go
Be one with the wind
Believe you are happy....and you will be
Keep them comin!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Much Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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