To hear of your pain, so scary, yet so true
To think, HOW, could those people DO THIS to you?
How could they, being family members
Cause this pain, thus ending lifes embers
Ending what they so wanted and praised
Ending the life of their daughter, That they raised!?!?
Her mother came home, when she was just older than a baby
Hearing that her daughter, was touched indecently, by “”daddy””
Mum said “No, that couldn’t have happened to my daughter!!”
Yet when she spoke to him, he didn’t fight her
Her accusations were confirmed, TOO many times
He full well knew, that he was making his daughter, FAR FROM FINE
But to have her mother join in, at the age of ten
The sole person who she trusted, and the one who should defend
Strip her of all the trust and hope that this would end
Now all she had was, the fallacy of pretend
Make out to the world, that THIS, was not her life
And keep quiet the way, of that blade of strife
Mutilate her body in hope, that they would no-longer enjoy
Yet all they saw her body as, was just a “”toy””
A piece of meat, for their sexual satisfaction
And even other members of family, wasn’t a distraction
For they would just join, anytime they wanted
Every moment, her ghost of the past, haunted
Giving her nightmares, for the rest of her time
No-longer days, that were of the sublime
Outside of her body, she’d see herself scream
Realizing that this is the truth, and not a dream
Seeing her own violation, was more than enough
To make living her life, more than tough
And with no courage to speak, they acted like mammals
For she had no choice, over the acts of those animals.
Author notes
Please be TOTALLY HONEST. I need the comments.
A contest entry
- "Two sisters" - a celebration. by Vera Rich.
425 points, ended May 2, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Thank you for entering - but Sorry... Your entries are not eligible for the "Two sisters" competition, which specified a PAIR of complementary poems in identical form submitted together- and stressed that there should be "no gloom and doom" since this was a celebratory competitition.
However, you can still earn points in this competition if - once the results are announced (but not before!), and not later than 1 May, you comment on other people's entries. To earn points in this way, comments should be at least 30 words long (your own words - quotes from the poem do not count), have something meaningful to say, and say it in standard English!
The results should be ready not later than 11.00am British Summer Time today (24 April) -
HELL!!!!! That was stark and raw!! Just the way these stories need to be told! This happens way to much and as debased as you describe it. I know many with this story.
Having been abused myself I could absolutely relate to the part about feeling outside of your body looking down at it.
It's seems weird to say you 'like' these kinds of writes, if you know what I mean... the subject matter being what it is. But I appauld you for writing it and thought it was very well written!
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Mmkay, so totally honest... *ponders* Babe, y'know with the second last line? Humans actually are like mammals... We belong to the class mammalia... Dang, bloody human biology class at school... *meeps* Anyways, I get what you were trying to say, but just the word mammals doesn't really work cause like humans are mammals so yeah, they're going to act like mammals... I think I'm just rambling now... *ponders more* Eeks, maybe I am biased but I just can't read a poem like this and like critique it, especially not if its written by someone I know. I don't know.
Love from me. -
this is a deep and honest piece thatcaptures so much aswel as my thoughts. a powerful piece well done with this
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Totally honest, Well This is just my oppinion
I am not overly fond of end line rhyme.. the way this is set up.
If it was broken up a bit it would make it easier to read, and I think keep the focus on the poem rather than the rhyme.... Here is a example of what I mean, Your first 2 lines
To hear of your pain,
so scary, yet so true
To think, HOW,
could those people DO THIS to you?
Your content is right on though... Great writing.
Please do not take any offense to my suggestions.
You wanted complete honesty.
Delila
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Okay. Totally honest?
It was... chilling. You've portrayed her very well as just an object being used over and over. That makes it a very commanding poem. I couldn't stop reading, because I wanted to see what was going to happen next.
It's good. It has good yet subtle imagery as to not overbear the readers with messed up mental pictures. And yet it's still detailed just enough.
Bad things? The flow was a little off, especially when it seemed to be okay... but things weren't necessarily rhyming. The lines in both stanzas four and five don't rhyme. It throws off the rhythm of the poem. Maybe consider revising?
Otherwise, it's a pretty good write. Keep it up!
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