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1,2-3 or 1-2,3

~

skirt ruffle
a girl walks under clothesline
one headband by mamma




Author notes

I think this is set for me, I hope it is for you; I tried/
OKAY, slightly changed from original, as refocused on after azure85 gave a straightening suggestion. grateful

was :
one headband by mamma
a girl walked under
clothesline skirt ruffle

[back and forth; headband, the way I originally saw it per se and said it, or bandana which I wrote initially lol; I like the first flow of that too]

title is pointing out two combinations of impact I picked up from reading the lines, with split weight as first by itself for set up or last to carry all the laugh


good luck isn't why I'm entering.

please keep comment simplest between us
without emoticons or the applause...
though rose is attractive around talk

A contest entry

I got tempted before my babies account gets verified

    : , Your review:

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Comments


  • azure85 gold member
    February 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    one headband by mamma
    a girl walked under
    clothesline skirt ruffle


    Hmm, this is a cool nackyard scene. I like that you chose headband, bandana can have so many other meanings.

    To put it into present tense:

    mama's headband
    a girl walks under clothesline
    as skirt ruffles

    a skirt ruffles
    as girl walks under clothesline
    mama's headband


    Oh, lots of ways to do this, a cool set of images. Thank you so much!


    • also called
      February 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      neat

      azure85 sorry for making you my sounding board

      I obviously see now how observation of course has to be in present tense ha-ha, as I comprehend it's to about a watched or sensed portrayal so I don't know why I scooted it into memory mode. but I thank you for moving me right into example.

      I think your second version is the closest to my swing of thoughts impactfully. will play around with whether to just retain "one headband by mamma" for my conveying the spontaneous inspiration or parallel experience of coming to that item.

      I understand the challenge is stronger than workshop, so detriments for editing are traded for worthwhile info.

      I did love writing and sharing this here,
      also called