Cold steel stretches
with gray scales of rigid glass--
up, up, up,
in never-ending concrete graphs
of geometric symmetry.
I recoil, shrinking from the stares
of a million drones imagining
individuality. If I meet their gaze,
they will draw me in...
into their perfection; their safety;
the muffled angles of their city.
I flee...
back to the uncertain, untamed, unknown--
where the moonlight lives, governed only
by uncharted stars whirling above.
I scramble up a pine
to feel wild bark on my palms,
pressing spicy needles to my face
and inhaling the sharpness.
I rejoice as branches scrape my cheeks.
As the sun blossoms in fire
on a verdant-velvet horizon of treetops,
there are far-off shadows
of flawless metal spires.
I embrace the demons.
Author notes
username: Catauthor
Um...perhaps not the most unique theme ever, but I'd like to think that I've brought something to it.
The forest door, of course, took me from my forest and into an idealistic city of perfection and conformity--sort of a metaphor, too...
Sorry about being almost late...I wrote my draft of this the day that this contest opened, and then I promptly lost the draft and forgot it, up until yesterday when I sat down to write this poem. I then tore my room apart and found the draft, so all's well. I do want to be here!!
Many thanks to the judges, again.
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 4 [Top 12] by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended February 12, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I agree with the title and ending, while the rest of the poems was incredibly strong, I think it was lacking a little. I really liked the subtle alliteration and some of your imagery was stunning.
Good luck. -
I like the ending - although cliche it fits well, extremely well. I love some of the phrasing here - its strong and ridden nicely. But I do feel some pasts writes had more strength [from what I can remember].
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9.3
I don't like the title. Not crazy about the ending. Besides that, the content is strong and I did like the idea. Everything else was done, well, perfectly.
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