white clothing
on skinny torso
sunlight covers metal
Author notes
I'm scared of a real critique he-he.
In a list
A contest entry
- Weekend Haiku by azure85.
600 points, ended February 11, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Incredible
you rwally know how to write a tantilizing tease rof a poem here. your first two lines lead us to believe into something erotic or sensual then that last line just blows us all out of the water and I found this to also be a highly thought provoking Haiku. any ways enjoyed reading this and well kudos for making us think about what line 3 is all about. -
fascinating
white clothing
on skinny torso
hi Daisy - this is a fascinating haiku/senryu. the final line makes it so. i wonder what metal this is?
your haiku is ambiguous and thought-provoking - which is always a good thing.
best of luck in the contest,
myron.
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I'm not sure if I get it...it's a very ZEN poem, "splishsplash", if I do!
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Interesting image.... good luck.
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white clothing
on skinny torso
sunlight covers metal
This is very interesting, L3 with the sunlight covering the meatl brings many images and thoughts to mind. Thank you so much.
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