Newlywed

Our story begins with a man who cannot breathe
Young, handsome, newlywed let’s call him Steve
But he must be able to breathe or he couldn’t live you say
Well of course he can, but only well by day
At night all bets are off and his problem real
Loud, soft, deep, high, but never on an even keel
His wife lies by his side, staring at the walls and ceiling
Wondering what to do with the anger she is feeling
When morning comes she looks at him with disbelief
As she’s been robbed and he’s the thief
“Good morning honey, how was your night?”
She wants to respond but knows murder isn’t right
Instead she asks, “How’s the throat feel?”
His smile quickly fades, he knows the deal
He hands her the bedside phone, mounting a defense
“Please call my doctor,” he says with no pretense
“He’ll say it’s not my fault, I have a deviated septum”
“Well, get it fixed or I’ll shove this phone up your rectum!”
Now some may think this is no big dilemma
Things could be much worse for our dear Emma
You feel no pity, sorrow, or remorse for her
Marriage is work, blah, blah, blah, a real chore
Anyway, how couldn’t she have known ahead of time?
Indeed not knowing Steve well enough is the crime
For couples who haven’t lived together first
It won’t take long ‘fore the bubble bursts
And then the only certainty is life with each other
The mate who completes you, you’re one true lover
And don’t forget there are much, much worse things than this  
Like really bad sex