Zing! Zing! Zing!
sounded that robotic ring.
It's up at five o clock.
Time to eat rye on rock.
Mr. Morton awoke and walked single file
down the escalator and towards the stile.
Naked as can be and calm with tom-foolery,
he bent over as the depooper sucked
his poop through the shoot.
He turned around as another tube sucked his pee
from his wee. Then he walked through the orange juice
fountain and drank a great drink. He
walked through the man-wash and
drove away a great stink.
Mr. Morton continued down the tunnel
and entered the clothing machine.
He lifted his arms until they would scream
"oh my, what a great green."
No longer nude, the weather
couldn't be crude. It was off to work -
Communism was beautifully shrewd.
Zim. Zap. Zomp. Zuppercluck.
The great magnometere was turning overhead
as long legs that spun cycles
allowed it to be fed.
Mr. Morton took his seat, sat down
and created heat. He turned and murmed and squirmed
and yearned. He ired and yired and refused to tire
as he powered George Bush's Terror Catcher with his legs.
Author notes
Ok. This was kinda fun. Basically, there is no main scheme. I such at meter. And so, I just wung it. Needless to say, I did enjoy creating this vision of what a 'perfect' society would be like.
A contest entry
- In An Ideal World... by polly filla.
1050 points, ended February 27, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did you enjoy this?
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Sounds good to me. I look good in green. Wonderful fantasy here and a good write.
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Good stuff. Like I said, great poem and I am glad you won.
Beginners luck ......
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And my mind is slightly humming "Meet the Jetsons" while visions of Madeleine L'Engle dance and sway along.
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Thank you.
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is this supposed to be amusing?
cause i was laughing hysterically
and if not, sorry
Good job -
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Yup, it was supposed to be funny. Thanks for reading.
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very good
I liked this poem. It was well done. Good job and keep writeing. -
This poem reminds me sorta of the book a brave new world it was fun to read
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Sorry
I can't leave a constructive comment as I found neither real words nor real meter to guide me. Would love to see these thoughts edited, if it is for others to understand. After all, we sometimes write poetry just for own thoughts to flow uncensored! -
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If had read properly, you would notice several things:
1. This is casual poetry, not critical poetry.
2. I state outright it doesn't have meter.
3. I used the English language. I'm sorry if that isn't real enough for you.
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I found this interesting. I love nudity personally. I love to salivate over naked bodies. I found some of the words a little Zutter-flid to understaook.
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Teehee, thanks.
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not sure what the peoples ownship of the capital has to do with it
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Good but you could revise a wee bit! no pun intended lol
Adult!!! Be careful to mark it adult; this will keep the censors off your case. You can see that is what I do for the erotica and other lit I post which may not be appropriate for minors or children.
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This is not erotica. This is simply nudity.
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A brilliant, slightly nonsensical poem with a message nonetheless. The lack or rhythm and structure and any real grammar, yet keeping a rhyme scheme proves perfect. It reminds me slightly of some parts of James Joyce's Uylsses.
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Thanks for the comment.
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The Dark Side of Kooky
never quite seen a poem like this..but the message is quite clear at the end. loved all the imagery and off the wall concepts. I look forward to reading another poem of yours! -
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*bows*
Thank you.
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this is certainly unique - unusual - attempting to rhyme seeming nonsense with sharp social criticism not unlike 'animal farm' or other works designed to show the faults of certain political syatems the last line is kina 'typical' and out-of-context with the sometimes 'sharp' wit of preceding sections the rhymes in the same line jerk the reader out of any flow but for a nonsense piece this was pallatable thanks for sharing regards zaj[if you stuck to the original sentiment in the beginning stanzas it might be more coherent - this seems to have been written at different times when you were influenced/motivated by different events/stories in the news just a guess?]
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Quite right, actually. I was watching reports on John McCain and George Bush came to mind. It sort of fit for me.
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Hello Simon, how are you on this hot and dusty afternoon? I've decided to read one of your poems. This is a first for me. So. What did I think? Well, your poetic imagination is far more vivid than your forum board imagination. It's a fun, boppy piece; 1960s fururistic thinking, you know .. like how they thought we could one day fly to the moon, or put food in some box type machine, push a button and in 2 minutes our dinner would go from frozen to cooked and on our laps infront of a thing called a te..te. television device.
Yes, your perfect society is a fun place to be. Except for Morty's legs though. Poor things.
8.5/10
Loved it
Kind Regards
Dave
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Hello Mate!
Hope you're doing well. I had a lot of fun with this poem, it just came out of nowhere. Thanks for commenting!
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heeheehee! Gave me a laugh through my hangover anyway! Great narrative, a real page turner and your rhymes are hilarious
'perfect' for who?!? Reminding me slightly of Huxley's Brave New World...everything's great so long as you're part of the machine
I like your presentation; humour expressing horror. Thanks for the read!
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LOL, you're welcome.
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That was interesting.
[They call her]Aden -
Very nice Simon. I liked the rhythem a lot, sounded like Dr. Seuss to me
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