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Number Twenty-three






The fat man wants me

to think of thirty-five things

to confess -

and I'm not sure I can stretch myself that far.

But I spend two nights and a day

on a hard chair in a cold room,

throw myself against

all the things I had forgotten

until, subdued,

thirty-five ghosts listed

on a torn paper.

I'm not going to run to the fat man.

This is number thirty-five.

I confess to you

I wanted to ring that smug bastard's neck

at 1 am with number twenty-three

banging back inside me -

she has a name I swore I wouldn't speak

and comes with three years of milkweed and thistles.

I wanted to kill the fat man

and find a bottle.




A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Heart Sutra
    February 16, 2008

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    You always have a way with the story element of any poem. I do appreciate and admire that quality in your writing.


  • jantastic gold member
    February 15, 2008

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    Unique. Which is of course, good. I have to agree with Lute though, 35 on the paper, this is 35, maybe 34 on the paper? I can make it work for me either way, but as is it's a bit more of a stretch.
    Milkweed and thistles. Yeah.


  • George Bowling
    February 13, 2008

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    i meant to comment earlier but we ended up doing that whole...thing.

    this is a marvellously inventive read. i say read because, unlike most stabs at literature, the pleasure in this one is really the reading. i don't need to think to myself: 'well' 'if we may' 'in some way' 'if we could construe it thus' that's a nice arrangement of words.

    the first four lines are simple enough in diction (thanks for the correction ) to be easily read, but arranged so as to be interesting and keeping a light undertone of wit. this is a theme i feel for the rest of the poem.

    you had to subdue the ghosts to paper, which i find to be an excellent analogy for authorship in general (aswell as, i suppose, your actual ghosts).

    the woman. oh, the woman. we all know what that one feels like, but youve nailed mine. wherever did you pull the word milkweed from? i have one whose name i will not swear, and who comes with 5 years and was a delectable epic in gestures until the (most) recent onset of thistles.

    and from somebody who doesnt believe in the queen's english?

    ridiculous.


    • S A Adelmann
      February 13, 2008
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      I actually use the Queen's English quite frequently - I love the "u" and the "s" we chatted about, but we weren't really talking about me, so I didn't bother mentioning it.

      In America, we have several varieties of plants that have a milky sap - they are all usually called milkweed, but, I am pretty sure that only one of them is properly called that. Interstingly, thistles have a milky sap, so maybe I was being redundant.


  • Midnight Lace
    February 8, 2008

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    LOL...I like this Scott. You never cease to amaze me on the things that you can pen in a poem. I would hate to have sit there and list 35 sins/confessions to some fat dude...now if it was a goodlooking guy in wranglers I might do it then I wish you the best of luck in your contest sweetie. This is definately a winner in my eyes for the pure and simple fact that it is 100% original!
    Midnight Lace


  • Lute
    February 8, 2008

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    Hey! was killing the fat guy thirty four? and the poem 35? hey! finding a bottle don't count. Hey! says you had 35 already listed on the page! Man! you one sinful dude. I know! start a new list. My my my. hey! if I was to pare mine down to thirty five, this here contest would done be over.

    Ah well. We can always blame it on the fat guy. hey! some fat guy was at my door this evening looking for his girl, I didn't have his tho so everything worked out fine.

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