Night time is calling
With her blanket of darkness
Embellished with stars
Author notes
haiku-constructive criticism welcomed
In a list
A contest entry
- Weekend Haiku by azure85.
600 points, ended February 11, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
COMMENTS WELCOME
Comments
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Beautiful
really liked this one alot. your Haiku has it all within reason and was quite well penned. I really love the over all quality and setting you presented with this poem as it really made alot of sense and was quite beautiful too. any ways enjoyed the way this poem was written and keep up the good work
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what a beautiful image you have painted
with these few words. This is a wonderful
haiku, beautiful and concise and yet amazing.
good luck in the contest. -
Night time is calling
With her blanket of darkness
Embellished with stars
Very pretty haiku, I shall leave suggestions in the traditional and modern format for you.
You need a fragment and a phrase to tighten your images.
the call of night time
under blanket of darkness
embellished with stars
For a modern suggestion:
cold night
the blanket's warmth
of starlight
Or something different, you can present another image and keep the nice scene you have created of the night sky. Thank you so much.
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Thank you for your advice, I will keep it in mind when writing my next haiku...
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