rain soaked streets
wheelbarrow upturned
fruit kept dry.
A contest entry
- Weekend Haiku by azure85.
600 points, ended February 11, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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The title is in itself so effective at painting imagery and perfect for the placement of the poems intent/content.
The imagery has clarity, the precious cargo protected from getting wet because it was scarce, rationed, somewhat of a luxury.
Those were the days when you still had to queue in the hope of being able to buy the one alloted piece of fruit per customer and that precious fruit would then be divided and shared between the family.
Reading this brings all the memories back that my Grandparents shared.
First of your poems that I have read in this form, whilst it may not be the traditional syllable count it does not detract from the impact that you make.
Kudos
NB This was in fact a right " turnip" for the books... I simply couldn't walk "parsnip" ...it got to the " root" of the matter... fairly made "onions" of my eyes with such nostalgia they were ready to cry...blushing "beetroot" here ...for 1945 was a "marrowing" experience for so many...
From your fruit and nut friend lol
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WHATS THE SIGNIFCANCE OF 19 45?
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I love the title.. It really adds a lot to the image.
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rain soaked streets
wheelbarrow upturned
fruit kept dry.
A very nice period piece haiku, you can see the images very well. (I know haiku usually do not have titles, but your use of 1945 places this haiku very well) Thank you so much!
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talented
I shuffle collecting the title with this
you clearly have delineated your lines beautifully, even the plural of street, such that there would be no need to turn corner from moment's situation but second line occurence. with then the fascinating tuck... and yet a sacrifice if maybe the concave becoming convex could've been a scrunched human vertical shelter, for awhile.
I thought too of how possibly crops were picked too early so the emphasis of 'fruit kept dry' pertains to how they weren't dangerously ripe, and now air's irrigation is an odd encounter to stay out of...
this is quite excellent, though I think you need to eliminate the period on your conclusion -- something I learned, it may have to do with making sure the short form leads to some stretch of thinking. like a windy blow from the words, as another scenario comes to mind!
similar to the lowercase letters you rightly used I believe, don't jump and distract from the small piece.
impressed yes,
also called -
its da bomb
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Well it's an odd layout for a haiku: 3-5-3 instead of 5-7-5 syllables but I enjoyed reading about your fruit-protection methodology.
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all i can do is smile.
Love, Lane
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