Clever quips and quotes
were what he heard
just as if he had been
comfortably seated
at mother’s table
as a ten year old boy
pandering for a gooey
warm cookie
fresh from the oven
before they had cooled but
mother would not be
fooled by his charm
as she nonchalantly placed
pots and pans into the sink
with a slight clang...
was the sound of the tank hatch
as he cautiously opened it,
staring at the hot smoldering
battlefield before him, wishing
for the sweet sanctuary
of mother’s kitchen.
Author notes
My stiff competition is: ALEXANDRATHEGREAT, WORDS: sweet sanctuary.
In a list
A contest entry
- Dueling Poets (Invite Only) Round II by Dalaney.
1000 points, ended March 18, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Michael, it was worth having this contest because it brought out the best in all of you. Thank you so much for entering. Love, Lane
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I like the juxtaposition of the two places, two times, two different realities. For the same person.
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Where the heck were you going?
Then you wrapped it up. Well done. Been there, it sucked.
Good luck in the contest. This is a good entry.
Buddy -
you create a wonderful dichotomy of viewpoints here, and they mesh to form the whole picture perfectly. A very enjoyable read.
Rory
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lol, wonderful poem =)
i love the cookie part, i love cokies, makes me hungry, ohh how i want a cookie now, lol =) cooking is fun, and wow now i am bambeling, but back to the poem, haha, it was lovely and again very enjoyable, why do you make me repeat myself? =P lol
lovely job! good luck in tecontest
stephanie =)
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Usually, smells evoke memories for me but when I read your poem the words enabled me to catch a whiff of the warm, delicious aroma that came from the kitchen when my Mother used to bake the week's supply of cakes on a Saturday afternoon. I don't have a personal knowledge of war but your final lines allowed me to imagine the smells and feelings that might linger in a soldier's memory.
Best wishes in the contest, Michael.
Margaret
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Great job in connecting those things that give us intangible sanctuary. Our memories hold secret places always available in times of strain when real life
tries tearing us apart. I enjoyed this! Blue
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Very moving. We know so little of what goes through their minds, and I wish the soldiers didn't have to be there. Good job, and best of luck in the contest
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Wow the two different images of the same person as a boy and as a man were so vivid. Great piece of writing! I can imagine many vets would relate to this...
Really enjoyed it!!
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Yes we can relate
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wow.... this is... I don't even know what to say... But I did love it!
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wonderful take on the prompt, really enjoyed this one, good luck in the contest
-Layne
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Nice alliteration to begin with. This is beautiful the two seperate images connected. Looks like my competition is stiff as well.
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One hell of a write, my man. This is instantly my favorite of all the others I've read from you.
This calls to the mommas boy and soldier in me. Damn, man! This is as if you pulled it straight from my heart. I'm sure other vets/soldiers would agree. Write on!
Dez
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