He was quite a daring boy, climbing up trees and walls,
and seemed to be quite lucky, despite his numerous falls.
Then one fateful day he slipped, whilst climbing up a tree,
he lay there quite unconscious, no movement one could see.
They took him off to hospital, and three long weeks he lay,
out in the deepest coma,he was in quite a bad way.
His mother waited by his side, one august day he woke,
and t’was his long spell of silence, that he finally broke.
He held his hands before his face, and screamed out loud in fright,
for he'd regained his consciousness but also lost his sight.
but years went by in darkness, then one day he fell in love,
the girl had a charming manner and he thanked the lord above.
She was a very pretty girl, with lovely eyes of blue.
He fell in love with her lovely voice, the rest he never knew.
Then Mr. fate just took a hand, he fell,injured his head.
they took him into hospital, his wife sat there by his bed
He stirred regaining consciousness, and as loving people do,
she leaned forward to kiss him as he was coming to
He gasped with his eyes wide open, said “what lovely eyes of blue
am I not a lucky man,to have a gorgeous girl like you".
Author notes
j u d m c
A contest entry
- Jessi-Desensytized a.k.a. BabyChronic0304 *OPTIONS* by Jessi-desensytized.
450 points, ended August 13, 2008, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Rhyme/ pre-writes welcome by ever1der.
300 points, ended August 27, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wow Me by BehindTheShadow.
2550 points, ended October 5, 2008, 41 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short stories/Poems!!... Subject: L O V E!! PREWRITES ALLOWED!! :D by Lady Michaella.
425 points, ended October 2, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - happy endings by X-Elmo-X.
550 points, ended May 30, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell me a love story/poem true or not. by Turtledove.
700 points, ended August 6, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A call for good poems by Misunderstood-Teen.
800 points, ended August 26, 111 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites :) Yes, as many as you like, but hell this wont be simple. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended November 3, 1093 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - prewrite contest - round 1 by serenity silvermoon.
929 points, ended October 12, 459 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - YAY TO ME!! by Jade.Butterfly.
1900 points, ended November 6, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest 1st come 1st serve by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended November 14, 406 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Eyes -picture prompt contest by micaelalseth.
1100 points, ended November 21, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 73 of 73
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This was vey touchy and sensitive!
The rhyme was amazing..
and had such great imagery and emotion.
It packed a punch and left me speechless!
Brilliant piece indeed!
good luck
Mandi -
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Jade.Butterfly
Many Thanks for your kind comments on both "Blue Eyes" and "Poetrical
Mode" glad you liked them ..Best Wishes....George....
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really great the ryme is amazing and the poem is touchy ...
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hend shaheen
Many Thanks for your kind comments on"Blue Eyes" glad you liked it
.....Best Wishes...George.....
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I love it, I really do. This is truely a beautiful poem. I love poems that rhyme, flow well and also tell a story and as a added bonus you have imagery in there to. I really do this is a beautiful poem. It was filled with great emotions. You have a very good way with words, would you mind IMing me with your username (as it came up as Anonymised in the AN, I would love to read some more of your poems.
Thank you so much for entering this poem into my contest
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Misunderstood teen
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Blue Eyes" so glad you enjoyed it
Best Wishes and Kindest Regards...George..... (judmc)
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omg! this was an amazing poem! I loved it! such great emotions and beautiful imagery.
this was wel done! good luck in the contest.
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Now that was a great poem! Haha. So beautiful. Sad but with a happy ending. As a poem I love it, but I can't see it as a story. A poem telling a story, but not a story.
Yor a great poet and there isn't any doubt about that too me. But I have to remove it to be fair to the contest...if that makes sense. Please feel free to message me if you have any questions.
~~Tay. -
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Delightful Sorrow
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Blue Eyes" since I wrote this
it has been described as "Too long" "An epic" a "story poem"
"A Rhymed story" "Poetic Verse" rejected for every reason under the sun except it's content.I have seen "poems" awarded trophies that were a disjointed Catalogue of unrhyming meaningless but highly
decorative "Imagery" only explained by a footnote.Wordsworth
must be turning over in his grave. Best Wishes ..George...
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Aww, this is touching and very beautiful. I do love a good ending. Great job! Thanks for entering my contest.
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Wow this has been in alot of contests. It is a very well written piece I like it. Nice ending in the piece too. Thank you for sharing this touching write.
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Congratulations on a well deserved gold, and relative ending. I enjoyed the story.
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FAB!!
this is a fab poem i loved it!
i liked how it started sad but the man got his happy ending
thanks for entering my contest
good luck xx
from Forgotten
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Nice story ...
but is it true?
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An inspirational story of hope and grattitude Thaaank you for entering my contest
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I am very surprised that you havn't won higer than bronze for this because i thought it was a beautiful story.
only one thinng I think that he and day are the wrong way round.
"then one he day fell in love,"
I loved these lines especially
"She was a very pretty girl, with lovely eyes of blue.
He fell in love with her lovely voice, the rest he never knew."
"He gasped with his eyes wide open, said “what lovely eyes of blue
am I not a lucky man,to have a gorgeous girl like you".
fantastic
amazing and aww hoe romantic. loved it
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My stars! Is there a contest you HAVEN'T entered this into?
I'm not sure if it actually meets the definition of a ballad or a narrative. I'll take another look at it. Thanks for entering. Celtic Queen -
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Celtic Queen
Thanks for your "comments" on Blue Eyes . When I joined Allpetry
I had posted over 100 poems and commented on 3 times that
number before I discovered that the only way to get anybody
to read mine was to enter contests but the number of contests
was limited by this ridiculous No Prewrites Allowed obsession
I now have over 200 prewrites many of which are suitable for
contests but are barred by this "Custom" .that's why the limited
contests have been well subscribed to .Nobody seems to know
under which category my story poems belong I have had some
DQed for conflicting reasons..... George.......
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you dear romatic man lol so sweet I like this side of you. lovely this is.
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Very sad poem. "She was a very pretty girl, with lovely eyes of blue.
He fell in love with her lovely voice, the rest he never knew.
Then Mr. fate just took a hand, he fell,injured his head.
they took him into hospital, his wife sat there by his bed"
^^I loved that stanza. Beautiuful. You have done a great job with the rhymes and the flow. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.
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Ylova
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Blue eyes" "Kate's Baby" and "Philip's Way"
so glad you liked them Best Wishes George ++++ -
SeaWithYourHeart
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Baby's first smile". so glad you liked it,Best Wishes George ++++
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Aww, this is so cute. It is very sad and emotional too. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!
Sydney -
Alas, this read brought forth a feeling I enjoy! Thanks for sharing this beautiful write.
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Thank you for your beautifully worded entry, good luck in my contest, Josie
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wow this is very nice and i love it
i mean very nice story
how horrible it must be to lose your sight but then to regain it must be the greatest gift of all
thank you so much
and good luck -
This was good.
The style and flow were amazing.
But, it wasn't the type I was really looking for.
Thanks for entering.
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I liked the rhyme and structure of this, it was simple and eay to read and it really seemed to fit the piece. You tell a lovely story with a lovely ammount of romance and hope. Great work x
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Wow! This piece is just so... sweet, romantic, hopeful, loving etc. I could go on and on. It's a gift to make the reader smile when taking in the last word, and you definitely accomplished that. Very well written!
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lol. my husband almost that exact same thing when he came out of the anesthetic after having surgery. I looked down and patted his hand. He gazed up at me and said, You have such beautiful blue eyes ... I wish I could put him under more often.
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Well this is a very uplifting poem in the end, I felt sad for him in the beginning, just shows what a knock to the head can do ey!. Well done, Best to you
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I remember reading this poem before. I'm happy for the chance to enjoy it again. Congrats on winning the bronze with it.
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I can't believe you have entered this in so many contest and it has only got one honorable!! I am so glad you have not gave up in sharing this wonderful piece!
Thanks for entering my contest...it just goes to prove my point in having this contest, that so many great poems go unnoticed!!
darlintlc
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wow this was in a lot of contests... i can understand why.
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Awww... this is so beautiful. and I love the imagry that comes as you read this poem, its like a movie with know sound where you can feel the heart ache of that little boy.
I loved it, a wonderful write and I wish you all the best in this contest.
Rose
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Aww what a sweet love poem.
Beautiful thoughts & wonderfully expressed.
Thanks for sharing! -
my husband just had surgery and when he woke up and looked at me he said, "God your eyes are sooo blue" he's never spoken to me like that before! I want to keep him on anasthesia. lol thanks for the entry
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This tells a sweet story. The rhyme was good throughout too, not forced for the most part. It is indeed a 'cheer up' poem, and was a nice read after all the dark poetry I got in this contest.
Thanks for entering! -
This reminds me of a recent event. My husband just had surgery and when he woke up, I took his hand and he looked up at me and said, "god you're eyes are so blue." LOL ... I should keep him under anesthesia. thank you for the entry.
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Lengthy but beautiful and heartfelt. It touched me and it was just a wonderful piece overall. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work =]
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This is really good! I love the story
-GL in contest -
That was sweet, fits the prompt well and had a lovely and unexpected ending. Very nice.
Just a couple things to mention, I though your rhyming seems a little forced in places and unfortunately there were times the lack of punctuation interfered with my understanding of your meaning. If you ever feel like giving this a quick edit sometime in the future I'd suggest having a look at that.
But this is lovely and I'm really glad to have read it.
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stoll
thanks for your assessment of"Blue Eyes" I have complied
with your requests completely,please give it a second perusal.Best Wishes and Kind Regards.George -
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Thanks for doing that. I've given it a second (and a third) look, don't worry.
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This has such great emotion. thanks for sharing this wiith mee and I hope to read more fom soon
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thats sweet. personally i like have no attention span so when i see poems like this that look like paragraphs.. im like 'whoa...' so its hard to hold my attention. the idea of it was pretty its just a little too much for me.. but thats also because i have so many freaking entries to read and my eyes get tired!! lol
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the flow was done well and the rhyme too, as well great story and yes it did make me smile! Thank you
Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!!! -
amazing poem and an amazing story. It really put a smile on my face yet at the same time made me sad in parts.
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So sweet!!!
I just wanted to say that I enjoy this author...
Good job!
~~GRACY~~ -
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Fallenengelgrace
Many Thanks for your kind comments on
"Blue Eyes" Glad you liked it Best Wishes
and Kind Regards George ++++
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oK, this is a very nice poem with a very touching story, and in another contest it stands a real chance at winning Gold. However, this contest is for "Shape" poetry, if you need an example, please see the outline at the heading of this contest, you know, the rules section, in fact, having a shape is THE only rule there is, so, with that said, please remove this from the contest, and please feel free to enter a Shape poem of any kind you wish, or change this poem to a discernible shape to make it eligible as per the contest rules.
Thank you for your cooperation.
RAM
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SO SWEET GOOD LUCKKK!!!
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onlyIlove4ever
Many thanks for your kind comments on "You're Beautiful"
So glad you liked it.Best Wishes and Kind Regards George ++ -
PlayJazz65
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Spring" Jim
Best Wishes George. -
GalykSadie
Glad you liked "Blue Eyes your comments are much appreciated Best Wishes George ++++
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Awwwww. I liked the ending very much. This is very sweet. I love the story to this, especially how it repeats with the hospital incident. I like how his mother was there for him when he lost his sight, then his wife was there for him when he regained it. The first sight being her beautiful blue eyes... It really captures the moment with strong and deep feelings! Beautiful... simply beautiful.
Thanks for your entry, and good luck!
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Marluxia
Many thanks for your kind appraisal of "Blue Eyes
it is more than welcome Best Wishes George
P.S.If you have time have a peep at my"Little Girl" I think you'd like that too.
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This gave me goosebumps from head to toe!!! The beauty of your words were breathe taking and I feel humbled to have read this....Excellent work here and best of luck in the contest
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This is a beautiful story. You were able to pull off an uplifting poem without being annoying. Very nice job!
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YAY!!!! What a wonderfully uplifting poem of hope and encouragement. Good luck in the contest. I loved this.
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daviscth
Many thanks for your kind comments on "Blue Eyes"
very much appreciated.Best Wishes.George -
daviscth
many thanks for your kind and encouraging comments on "Blue Eyes" they were very much appreciated
Best Wishes.George ++++
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Very interestin trun of events so he could see the beauty of life in his wifes eyes. Yes love is romanticallly mysterious and full of Magic. Id lie your permission to copy this poem for myself. I love such magic that youir created in this poem.
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Dragon heart
Many thanks for your kind comments on "Blue Eyes and Lovers Lane you may copy "Blue Eyes" for yourself with pleasure if you wish. I'l comment further on some of yours
later Best Wishes, George
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Beautiful!
Dear George,
This is simply just a great write from beginning to end. The story that unfolds is nothing short of rhythmical artwork. It also has a hint of lesson within its lines I think, and that is you should always keep an optimistic outlook for in the end there can always be miracles! You are a beautiful writier...
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This is such a sad piece with a beautiful
ending to it. I really enjoyed reading
this one from you and wish you all the best
in this contest! Thanks a lot for sharing
it here!
Jeremy0826 -
What a lovely story - with a great happy ending! Very well worded - held the interest all the way through. Read nicely, good rhyme. Great images (especially the blue eyes...lol...as mine are blue
)
I truly enjoyed this.
Great write!
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bravo
Ah, a marvelous story poem and most deftly told here, indeed! great meter and rhyme throughout! bravo... bravo... bravo...
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amazing
This is amazing.It only a glimpse of your imagination and i love it
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Good
"then one he day fell" Typo
This poem was entertaining and three dimensional in character. Good imagery and flow are both presented within these lines. Your words took stage and treated the reader to a glimpse of your imagination as your pen inked such thoughts.
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AWWWWWWWWWWWWW....... This is wonderful Great write Dear I like this alot and to think this really does happen sometimes.
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