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An Autumn Funeral

A funeral on an autumn day
Casts shadows on us all
As through the driving rain
The coffin looks so small
A life that’s now extinguished
Just memories are left
And all the dripping mourners
Are feeling so bereft
But as the sun appears
And forces through the gloom
Remember all the good times
Not harbingers of doom
See the person’s smile
Remember how they laughed
And celebrate their life
Enjoying all their past

Phil Sanders

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Comments


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    February 8, 2008

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    Having attended a few funerals in all sorts of weathers I thought this was wonderful on imagery and you left the reader with a good feeling.
    Your rhyme is spot on and rhythm is pretty good, I knew you were worth reading.

    Thanks ...Sue


  • Commodore Rouge
    February 8, 2008

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    This was some good imagery, and I thought you summed this up really well, making it sound happy and everything instead of leaving the reader like, "oh, I hope nobody I know dies soon", but one thing that I thought to point out was that on the rhyming lines, not all of 'em have the correct number of syllables, if you will. It seemed like a peice o' sheet music that's 4/4 beats per measure, with only like, three. It kinda made me say "oh, I think there should be more!" I thought you ended each rhyme with good words, it wasn't forced, but flowed along pleaseantly, indeed. Good job.