When I was just a young girl
I had a part time job
I saw a lovely kitchen set
It set my heart to throb
I thought how pretty it would look
Sitting in my parent's Kitchen
In front of the double windows
It set my mind to twitching
I told my mom what I wanted to do
She said that was very sweet
So I entered the store up town
They would deliver it next week
How lovely it looked just sitting there
With the copper legs so nice and round
Both table and chairs were beautiful
For so much copper did abound
Well that didn't last for very long
Because the table wouldn't stand still
It seemed it moved too much
So my dad moved in for the kill
Off came the beautiful copper legs
From the table that was serene
On went old dinning table legs
It became the worst table I had seen
The copper legs were left on the chairs
And the table sat in the kitchen for years
I never said a word to my dad
But I silently wiped away tears
Author notes
I worked hard to pay for the kitchen set and when my dad lost his temper and removed the beautiful copper legs from the table it broke my heart. He put on the wooden table legs from an old dinning room tabe that was in the basement. After I was married we were at my parents to help with some remolding. My dad cut some wall board on the table and cut one corner of the table off. A short time after that the table went down to the basement and a new kitchen set took it's place. The last time I was in the basement that table was still there. It was used for many things.
A contest entry
- Copper by porksnorkel.
900 points, ended February 22, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Say what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Ummmm. No.
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Does your reply mean you would like me to remove my poem???
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Not at all.
The take is too literal, but that's not the real problem. A literal take would be welcome if handled with a bit of restraint and art.
The center alignment is an unnecessary barrier to the reader. The rhymes feel very forced, not to mention insipid.
The story is okay, but how do we get there? Too much guff through which to plow in order to get the meat. -
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Thank you Ernest T. Watts
I accept your constructive criticism. It is a big help to me.
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