HOW beautiful, it was once
It was like a relaxing room
In exact terms to say the fact a reading room
And also truly , a poetry spinning room
I used to read daily news papers, there only
and with a pencil and note book,placed and
readily made available in the corner point,
I used to put on paper, the lines of some instant poems
Some appropriate words, which normally
never strike to my mind in ordinary sense,
flash and splash wonderfully there, that too in a soft
spoken style
Now after the passage of some time in the sands of time,
on the very plank of my career advancement
for two to three decades, it was almost abandoned in exile
Now after due retirement, I came down here,
choosing my village as a perfect place to relax,
at the evening of my life .
Just now, after a thorough recapitulation of my old memories
from the knowledge chest,duly deposited, securely in my brain zone
I firmly decided to stay here in the green backdrop
Of my village side
and also wishing not to leave any thing, within my reach, so haphazard hereafter
and once fr all I firmly decided to start remodeling /reviving it
to shine it in its[g] old but in an exquisite fashion
fully catering to my resting needs
Author notes
10.http://photoboothlovexx.deviantart.com/art/creepy-bathroom-51170788
A contest entry
- Photo Inspiration!! by EverxEnding.
600 points, ended February 11, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Over all I think your concept was okay
but there were a lot of things, some being technical flaws, that disrupted the flow.
Here are some things I found as I was reading through.
I hope you take them has honest criticism and not as harsh rambling. With a few changes I think this poem could be better.
Line 1: HOW. capitalizing only the first word of the write makes me feel a bit awkward and unpleasing to the eye.
Line 3: "meexactly" did you mean "me exactly"?
Line 16: the sudden random puncuation is also awkward to read.
Also your lack of puncuation overall turns me off.
Good luck!

