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[G]old sheen

  HOW beautiful, it was once
It was like a relaxing room

In exact terms to say the fact  a reading room
And also  truly , a poetry spinning room

I used to read  daily news papers, there only
and with a pencil and note book,placed and
readily made available in the corner point,
I used to put on paper, the lines of some instant poems

Some appropriate  words, which normally
never strike to my mind in ordinary sense,
flash and splash wonderfully there, that too  in  a soft
spoken style
Now after the  passage of  some time  in the sands of time,
on the very  plank of my career advancement
for two to three decades, it was almost  abandoned  in exile

Now after due retirement, I came down here,
choosing my village as a perfect place to relax,
at the evening of my life .

Just now, after a thorough  recapitulation of  my old memories
from the knowledge chest,duly  deposited, securely in my  brain zone
I firmly decided to stay here in the  green backdrop
Of my village side
and also wishing  not to leave any thing, within my reach,  so haphazard hereafter
and once fr all  I firmly decided to start remodeling /reviving it
to shine  it in its[g] old but in an  exquisite fashion
fully catering to my resting needs 

Author notes

10.http://photoboothlovexx.deviantart.com/art/creepy-bathroom-51170788

A contest entry

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Comments


  • EverxEnding silver member
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Over all I think your concept was okay
    but there were a lot of things, some being technical flaws, that disrupted the flow.

    Here are some things I found as I was reading through.
    I hope you take them has honest criticism and not as harsh rambling. With a few changes I think this poem could be better.

    Line 1: HOW. capitalizing only the first word of the write makes me feel a bit awkward and unpleasing to the eye.
    Line 3: "meexactly" did you mean "me exactly"?
    Line 16: the sudden random puncuation is also awkward to read.
    Also your lack of puncuation overall turns me off.

    Good luck!