My perfect vision danced for me last night
And as she danced I knew we were alone.
The world inside my dream had seemed so right,
I wish I could have grabbed it for my own.
She danced the way she knows I love the best
To make me feel that nothing was to fear.
I didn't catch a glimpse of all the rest,
The moment that she blew into my ear.
The question you need never ask is "who?"
Such questions can be answered all the same.
My perfect dancing vision's always you,
With love for you the object of each game.
There are no times these feelings will relent,
Each thought of you brings that especial scent...
Author notes
For the purposes of Legend's contest this goes with "Diamond Eyes"
In a list
A contest entry
- Double up ( for Rhyming poetry only) by Legend.
2800 points, ended February 25, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please comment below. Spelling or rhyming or scanning corrections welcome.
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Beautiful
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So very pretty. Sonnets and love truly do seem to go hand in hand and you melded them beautifully in this delightful piece. So uplifting and tender. Well done dear poet. ~Pamela
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There is something wondeful about dance. It stirs the passion from within.Like Legend I don't really inderstand the form of sonnets, I just know that I like your poem, Ros
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You should have a go at a sonnet or two, Ros. You would write them really very well.
It is an essentially simple form.
And on this poem. It is for and about a very close friend.
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you resemble to my father in picture but you're more younger yes.. awwww very sweet. i love your romance.. i am a person who writes mostly romance and read mostly romance. among all the sweet romances i've read you're in a high class
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beautiful!!
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I know who you wrote this for don't I
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I am at last starting to understand the form of sonnets ( yep i am a little dim) and i am finding them to have a nice feeling when reading Though i doubt i will ever have the discipline to write them I enjoyed this one very much Good luck in the contest
Please do not reply to this comment as i wish to keep the contest Anonymous If you have not entered your second poem please do so making sure to name this one in your authors notes as your first one Thank you -
Okay first off, I did you a sonnet reply on this one..but not fit to list in your comments. (adult material) so i will post and send you the link here in response to your poem. That way, well anyone can read if they want to see what I was inspired to write.
Heres the link: http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3928739
Great job here.
Best wishes in this contest,
Love
Tory
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This lady certainly stirs something within you....mmmm.
Seductive without being too seductive if you get what I mean.....now getting back to the dancer....
xxx Hilly
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Thank you for your entry
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I am back after the edit, and NOW THIS LOOKS LIKE A SONNET! Each line is put together with deliberation. The meter is not only perfect, but it is meaningful. Meter is not achieved with filler words. Sentences are flowing and not chopped to make lines. The edit has been highly successful.
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Lots of dancing going on... I'm getting dizzy.
This has a wonderful image and a good flow and meter. You will be a first class sonneteer, yet!
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This is really so beautiful Jeff. The image is bittersweet because it implys that you haven't realized your dream. This is a womderful sonnet.
Love,
Amera♥
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This is a great dream that you had
Where your vision is never bad
Dream lady dancing for you
Just the way you like her to
Now that is the way to dream at night
Making everything just so and right
Never worry about the rest
For you know that you're the best
Just a thought I'll send your way
You have a wonder loving day
. Rewarded 6
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aww, it's sweet. The last part is the best. I'm not sure I understand the 9th line tho.
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It is addressed to the dancer, but she is not identified in the first two stanzas. So before she asks who the dancer is, I thought I should tell her.
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ahh. I like that. Keep writing!
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Delightful
Beautifully written .. it flows ...... -
Well you have nailed iambic pentameter, and no mistake! I notice that you have done without punctuation, letting the sonnet form dictate the structure; but if so, why not lose the suspension marks at the end? I once got slammed on AP by an "Editor", who said I would never be published if I refused to punctuate a sonnet. He was wrong, BUT...
... the difficulty is that lines can become like bullet-points if you don't watch what you're doing. Re-introduce punctuation into the equation, and you can make ideas, sentences, phrases flow from line to line. Check out a few of my sonnets; I don't hold myself out as being any good at them (I am fed up of dreaming in iambic pentameter!), but let me know what you think.
Anyhow, your technique is very good, and so I'm going to give you a couple of rounds of applause. Well done - great strengths here - I am looking forward to reading more.
. Rewarded 8
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There is no deliberately missing punctuation, just I always forget it, editting now, thank-you.
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That will change its nature completely. I'll come back and check it out when you have finished. Maybe you should preserve two versions, one with the punctuation, and one without.
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No, it always should have been punctuated, I just write entirely in my head, and I don't have sounds for punctuation!
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A very nice poem
This poem's real nice as one can visualize all that's going on. this poem is very nice as is.
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