Caught between my breaths is the notion of you,
A thought, or a glimpse, flickering in and out of focus
As the days ratchet forward.
I think back to how you were, to how you seemed
to be, and how that deadly medley
was ever so ambiguous.
A Brazilian beach would leave your skin crisp,
and you are not of golden locks and auburn hair,
Anyway. I do not care for visions,
I simply pine for the rustling of my fingers
through your hair and the sublime sensation
of your lips gracing mine.
It is what you are not that you are.
In the sense of things, a shape emerges,
A silhouetted Nebuchadreezzer unveiling
cosmic emanations of engulfing light.
It is in the penumbra of this placebo
that I find the solace of my virginal yearnings.
Your salacious vibrations hold no quarter
to the sacrosanct clarity I gain upon seeing your smile.
To know the incandescence that radiates from your eyes
Is to wield the sword that banishes excesses
To the deepest depths of the Rub al Khali.
Let the breeze lap against your skin
As your lashes flutter, and let me know, wonderfully so,
of the taste of le levres ou le femme j'aimer.
A contest entry
- Valentine Poetry... a contest for teens age 13 to 18 by Melodies.
600 points, ended February 12, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love - almost any thing goes by Mujina.
450 points, ended February 12, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - III by N e a r.
4000 points, ended February 16, 2008, 121 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my love poetry by leander.
700 points, ended February 22, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest!! Please enter!! by With Broken Wings.
1200 points, ended March 15, 2008, 102 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - finding love by Hecate616.
350 points, ended March 17, 2008, 143 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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There are some very beautiful feelings wielded within the lines of this poem
You have managed to express yourself very clearly, with great images
Thank you for entering this contest - I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
~
This is vivid and tasteful. My favorite imagery was the beach one. It set my mind to a place within my own self as this poem conquered my feelings. To be set here with my love... Your poem is breathtaking.
~
Thanks for entering my Valentine's Day contest, and good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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Beautiful. I love the descriptions about this poem, they are so nice... I just love having a constant picture in my mind, and one of the writer's hand -- it was a wonderful read, I enjoyed every line. The flow was great, and it kept the poem flowing. Your vocabulary choice was amazing too, like you weren't afraid to use big words and such... But, it really played into how good your poem was.
Wonderful job! ~
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I like the descriptive punch this carries. Lots of good words...
"A Brazilian beach would leave your skin crisp,
and you are not of golden locks and auburn hair,
Anyway. I do not care for visions,
I simply pine for the rustling of my fingers
through your hair and the sublime sensation
of your lips gracing mine."--my favorite verse, I think.
The last two verses get a little...I have to agree with a previous commenter, pompous...like the words are there for their own sake, rather than forthe poem as a whole.
"Let the breeze lap against your skin
As your lashes flutter, and let me know, wonderfully so,
of the taste of le levres ou le femme j'aimer."--LOVE the ending.
Best of luck in the contests. -
this is a very nice write. i see nothing wrong with it. best of luck to you in all of the contest you have entered.
thank you for sharing this
s
Babygirl -
This read like a sweet sad dream to me, memories of a love, a slice of sunshine to cut through the fog of today...yeah I am, not quite verbose enough to understand some of the words you use, but it speaks to me of bright sun and dappled shadows, and the memories that they hide, or reveal. A rather dreamy poem, which I liked a lot
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I thought that this began really well, but the third verse is a little pompous. The vocabulary is what spolis it (at least in my opinion). I like to read a wide use of words, but if they appear stilted or unnatural then I prefer the simple.
Really like verse two though! -
although there were some words i dont understand it seems like a good poem. flow is good.
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Some of this was hard for me, because Im just so unfamiliar with the words. But the simpler parts I really loved. I love the first two lines about the thought, flickering in and out of focus I love the lines in the second stanza too about not caring for visions, but pining for the rustling of fingers through the hair and the lips gracing yours. That was killer romantic
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I envisioned a word bank being used for this poem, for the language here is so clever. Very romantic in an intellectual sort of way.
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wow
thats truly the most passion I have ever seen reflected in a poem, and I had to read it quite a few times before I finally understood some of the phrases. Very well done! Im amazed you havent gotten more comments than this. Awesome Job! -
Mmmmmm! Honestly, I havn't read a poem today with as much passion as this peice!
I promise you, this poem would win any girl over (any girl with half a mind that is)
The imagery was absolutly equisitte! (why havn't more people read this?)
I could feel your emotion dripping slowly off the text, swallowing me in beautiful dreams of beautiful love.
Again, I say Mmmmmmm!
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What Passion!
Your descriptions are very rich & luscious. I can almost see you on the beach with your lover. Some of your allusions are to sophisticated for me. Ex: To the deepest depths of the Rub al Khali. That's Arabic to me! LOL. I'd really like to know what that means. I've a smattering of French so I can guess what your last line means. You paint an exciting tale. I like that your lover has incandescent eyes & that his lashes flutter. Sounds very handsome indeed!My fav. part of the poem is :I do not care for visions,
I simply pine for the rustling of my fingers
through your hair and the sublime sensation
of your lips gracing mine. This is way too much for me, for I am but a plain & simple person: A silhouetted Nebuchadreezzer unveiling
cosmic emanations of engulfing light.
It is in the penumbra of this placebo
that I find the solace of my virginal yearnings.I just can't rap my mind around that. Perhaps I'm just too ignorant & lacking! Nice work.
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