maloonetica kalamoorytister was a very mean 78 year old. she was always swearing at people like if you dont get off my lawn i will release the hounds. one day a little girl didnt leave the lawn. maloonetica had no hounds. she was lonely. the little girl started talking to the witch and they became friends. then, maloonetica changed her name to may. the girl and may lived happily ever after.
A contest entry
- Calling all witches... by volcaniclastic.
500 points, ended February 20, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I suppose I should have been more clear. When I said "Form, or no form" I meant this: "Poetic form, or no form"
CONS:
-You don't have proper capitalization.
-The spaces between your sentences are too small.
-Your story has no depth to it. Nobody lives happily ever after, and your characters have no personality.
PROS:
-If you were to expand upon this (say before my contest ends) - I may consider taking a second look.
-Interesting name, you should make her a real person.
Thank you for entering, nonetheless.
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