hope
rains from my eyes
to shed in fallow furrows
of long-dead dreams
once flowered
in fields of expectation
cold callous clouds
[ashes of defeat]
molest my sky
my lips
weep whispers
of long-gone daysprings;
tart tastes
of summer’s smile
waste away
I am left
broken battered
treading mud
in a puddle cut deep
into the cold clench of truth
silently seeping
into submission, while
the gray birch drops
its worthless seeds
of optimism
to daub barren ground
and
icy winds of wisdom
winter my heart
Author notes
Art Credit: "Tree Spirits" by Dianne Monroe ©
Courtesy of "Pamela A Lamppa"
In a list
- My Favorite AP Poets • next in list
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- 1 - Gold Trophy Poems • next in list
A contest entry
- i deserve gold by Nicolette.
700 points, ended August 12, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I enjoy formatting in a poem almost as much as the musicality contained within the words themselves ... you have done this piece well with your elegant use of structuring it to attain its fullest gestures of imparting speech to your readers ... congratulations on gaining the gold trophy from Nicolette with this fine piece ... she's quite the distinguished judge on this site and I know it's not an easy thing to accomplish ...
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Most definitely golden verse of lose in any venue. I'm thinking of those disparaging souls of New Orleans and Katrina.But we've been reeling in pit falls a plenty as a people ever since all over this nation.
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Metaphor is smooth, but you're left rough
Interesting "hope rains from my eyes" reflects the initial high spirits you beheld, not indicating tears' aftermath right away. However, you picture the situation like a once-active farm that dropped down the effort ~ also pointed recovery isn't just by re-planting a season. It's a dimensional labor, through each day's need, building a new true trust.
I love your yielded topic from land to altitude, at the source of how palpitating pours can be, signified down the face. "tart tastes of summer’s smile" is thought-provoking; maybe it's not Autumn yet, but if the jewels have been crushed, it's snowing in your heart.
Heard of open injuries emotionally, and there's a hint with, "in a puddle cut deep into the cold clench of truth" that speaks to me resonatingly ... underground is where things settle, unknown to the general eye. I see four feet at least of loosened shock, my favorite. Lines 24, 25 penetrate as old dried leaves hanging on, you can't put your belief into appearance. Even if it still produces, it's old and perverted in any quality.
You have great detail with regret, congratulations,
Daisy -
wonderful poem
your word choice really transformed this piece, specifically in the areas of emotions and imagery
very well done
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As I've said in my earlier comment this poem once again shows your command of language and poetic devices...words love you and you love words and know how to apply them. I simply loved the last line "winter my heart" as it ends this poem on such a powerful and creative way - a wonderful "conclusion" as it wraps the essence of the poem in just three words. Wonderful writing, Mary - thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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wow, very melancholic. Beautifully penned, the alliteration throughout is wonderful and unobtrusive...many times I've seen where it gets overused, but I really like this. A very sad yet enjoyable read.
Rory
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The storm engulfs me; I can feel its icy tentacles grip my heart this very moment. The words, so desolate and yet so expressive in their nature, penetrate straight through to the soul. The spirit has hit a nadir from which it will struggle to rise again; all the happy times it has known seem to have faded from view. How many days this has been my existence. How well I know these feelings.
How very well you express them. As usual.
I sincerely hope you are experiencing brighter days now.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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"cold callous clouds
[ashes of defeat]
molest my sky"
Those lines are so your style, which is a finely crafted skill that many cannot grasp. The title drew me with the fierce weather we are experiencing in the nation, and Mother Nature's wrath world-wide. It seems we are in the midst of a vengeful Earth, striking us hard for maltreatment.
There is such a melancholy tone to this writ. It saddens me in metaphor (deep-set mournful feelings)but delights me in expertise. You are such a talented word-smith.
BRILLIANT!
All My LOVE Always ♥
Renee
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Beautiful imagery here, love the picture too. Word choice is great, cos I feel wet and cold out in the feisty weather.
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I completely understand.
It is a turbulent time in my life as well ("upheaval" has been a constant state for the last six months now), and when things don't go as planned or hoped, or adversity visits at an inopportune time...it can really throw the mind for a loop. I hate that you are suffering, that life seems to enjoy kicking you around at the moment (blast reality), but there are a few gold linings behind the storm clouds today (and I say "gold" in lieu of "silver" because it feels a bit more cheery), and you will soon find them.
It is difficult pretending happiness when the world is crumbling around you, isn't it?
Do not be discouraged (although those are hypocritical words, coming from me). The state of being we know as reality never remains in one place long enough to cement. The negatives have to give way to positives.
I send up another prayer for you.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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Healing Hugs Sweet Sister~
I have had troubling times, that seem to last forever..and maybe they will, but to hope never say never.. I love you sister of mine, and you're here for a reason, I have been told this line from others many times, but I still await rainbow's season.. I'm not going to pretend everything is ok, when I myself don't know.. But one thing is for certain, when I know souls such as yourself, my faith only seems to grow.. Don't worry about being here for me, or those you wish you can be there for, because those who love you most will understand, you're trying to soar through wintry storms, and over crashing waves on seashores.. Get better, and if you need me, I'll be here. For what else can I do with this love, but to give it away and show you how much I truly care~
-Brother Timothy
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Mournful. Why must you cry??? I shall hug you!
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waking up to reality, or into reality, or inside reality’s firm and physical grip from... what? dreams, expectations, daydreams - the abstract essence of beauty and happiness and smile. yes, it is a punishment we are all bound to take yet we are nevertheless unwilling to give up the dreams, expectations, daydreams, be the fall as long and as painful as from the dome of the sky to the bottom of the puddle. beautiful rendition of the waking up “on the other side”.
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This is so beautifully sad, no one does alliteration as skillfully as you~ stunning metaphors here as well.
Just stunning, as Nicolette said.
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This is definately "expressive art", my friend, as only you can write. This one moves mountains within... it has an icy grip that encloses the heart and pulls all its strings. This poem once again shows your command of language and poetic devices... a stunning poem - one that lingers... and lingers - and will continue to do so. So wonderful to see you posting again.... keep them coming, dear one. Love you
~ Nicolette
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"and
icy winds of wisdom
winter my heart"
Such a melancholic penning this is, my Friend. Such depths of sorrow & dismay. Good luck in Pamela's contest, Sweetie. Wander
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you have captured the mood, the imagery and feeling of the picture so well, and, oh - I know these feelings...excellent poem...wonderful alliteration, presentation, and metaphors
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