I was once a hunter --
of the fiends that ruled the dark.
till I set my sights - on the wickedest
and now I bear his mark
“Do not look into his eyes”…
my mentor said to me
but I was young and foolish
and did not heed his plea
He didn’t seem a monster
with his saintly - face and form
and I was soon to be enthralled
by eyes that stirred a storm
As my gaze was captured
in their depths - called “the abyss”
he read my every need
fulfilled my every bliss
I never even struggled
as my rival stole my soul
I forgot that he was evil
abandoned - my worthy goal
He was a demon of the night
a devil wrapped in fire
I submitted - till I was drained
Defeated by desire…
Patricia Gibson-Little
November 19, 2003
Author notes
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. --Friedrich Nietzsche
Written November 19th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Make me think or make me laugh- (my first contest) by MuseStalker.
300 points, ended November 25, 2003, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Excellent!
Fantastically put together. What a story you told here! True in every sense. Loved how you worded this and how you made me actually see the demons and the struggle between the lighter part and darker part of yourself.
Very nice write!
Prysmatyk -
Awesome, Beautful, Absoulutly positivly a MU
Wow. Terrific write, every word was wonderful, there is much feeling in this poem and I really like it, "I never even struggled
as my rival stole my soul
I forgot that he was evil
abandoned - my worthy goal
He was a demon of the night
a devil wrapped in fire
I submitted - till I was drained
Defeated by desire…'
I absoulutly adore the the last lines..
Keep up the good work and take care
Steph
Edited on Dec 13, 2:25 p.m. because 'awsome A MUST READ...it didn't show up lol'. -
OH wow, this is very good.
I was intrigued with each word.
Excellent write.
Sam
-
Wonderful
I am so glad you chose to submit an entry based on this quotation because it holds special meaning for me. As an advocate for abuse victims for more than 20 years, this has always seemed a very personal warning. You illustrate its meaning so well, and with the poets' tools of rhyme and meter, its dire warning becomes gentler, sweeter...but none the less urgent. Thanks so much for this beautiful entry to the contest. Although you aren't making my job of judging this any easier, I am enjoying all of these poems so much that I do not mind any future cost. *rose*
Edited on Nov 20, 12:47 because 'typo fix'.
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