Imagine
Imagine me
Imagine my dream
Imagine me in you
Imagine me in your life
Dream
Dream me
Dream my touch
Dream my touch, imagine
Dream my touching your life
Love
Love me
Love my dream
Love me, touch me
Love my ways, imagine life
Be
Be mine
Be mine, love
Be mine, imagined love
Be my love, dream life
A contest entry
- the moments.... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
400 points, ended February 15, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Criticize freely, I need input to improve
Comments
-
Hmm, honestly, I think the
constant repetition in each stanza
is rather irritating because of the
simple wording presented here. Now,
that's not to say that it should be
complicated because it shouldn't.
In fact, the simplicity of your message
is rather appealing. It's just that I can
already see "imagine" "dream" "love" and "be".
Therefore I don't want to feel as if I have
a memory problem in reading this.
Overall, I'd say if you just removed those
repetitious words and substituted them for
more depth such as--adjectives then it would
come together a lot eloquently.
Good job for the effort.
Keep penning!
~The INC."
