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Discordant Deluge

I love the way you sing me to sleep

With your slow, hypnotic tone.

Your voice in my ear bestows

Undisturbed rest as I lie in bed, alone.

 

Your arrival renews and cleanses my mind

As I dwell on God's generous favor.

You sustain me completely, there's nothing I lack,

consumation is all that I savor.

 

Other times, your rage can terrify me,

I cower as you let loose your wrath.

You demolish defenses with stoic erosion,

Beat down any dullard that stands in your path.

 

You reclaim your blessings, no hint of compassion,

You drown people's dreams with no thought for their pain,

You're a blessing, a curse, and no man can control you,

Confounding, untamable; still we pray for you: Rain.







 

Author notes

TabbyJoy

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • PoetryStar2
    April 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this si awesome i think u spelled savior wrong


    • TabbyJoy
      April 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Mak, dear, the word is savor it means to desire or want something deeply. You are so cute doll face!


  • Somebody-New
    March 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is a very interesting piece. to be honest i thought you were talking about a relationship with a guy or something, then the twist of rain at the end was very surprising, well done, this was a great right.
    xo
    ps- thanks for your comments on my poems


  • mmistermeh
    February 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmmm. Interesting, it doesn't sound like you talk about rain until you say it at the end, well, thank you for the entry.


  • funpum
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely. but I agree about that last line in verse one -it doesn't matter about the length so much but the rhythm does matter, and the rest is perfect.
    undisturbed slumber, in bed, all alone


  • Upstairs
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is amazing. I love every word of it!
    The rhyme is perfect. Very beautiful & powerful.
    Best I've read in a while, great job.


  • doublec
    February 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Truly amazing write. I love it. I thought you were speaking of God at first. Very powerful.


  • BehindTheShadow
    February 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was very good. Good luck in the contest.

  • eveline
    February 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting, overall the rhyme is pretty well done and feels fairly natural. However I have a major suggestion - when writing rhyme you should use meter so that when you read it (especially out loud) it flows perfectly. Try matching your words to get that da-DA-da-DA-da-DA feeling, or at least make the lines the same length.

    For example, "Undisturbed slumber as I lie in bed, alone" has many more syllables than the other lines in the stanza so when you read that line your mind tries to read it faster to match the rhythm.

    Sorry for the long comment, just thought I would make that suggestion. Great effort here, well thought out and thanks for sharing

    -eveline.


  • usually-untitled
    February 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow... the rhyme was so subtle it seemed more natural than unrhymed verse (which i usually prefer.)


  • Polaja Greeters member
    February 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautifully done... I felt that the rhyme was perfectly done and not forced at all... and I loved that the poem had an aura of mystery about it until the end... wonderfully written, I wish you the best of luck in the contest

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • james119
    February 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    very nice


  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    February 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    An Excellent composition--Good luck in the contest>


  • Charity Ann
    February 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I'm stunned...very nicely done. Your rhyme was very nice. It flowed well and sounded very natural. The poem was not choppy but flowed gently from my tongue as I read. I especially enjoyed the last stanza. It's so true that rain can be a blessing or a curse, but it is most definately needed in order for life to survive. Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece...Good luck!

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