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Little barefoot girl

She walked through the back  streets of old Naples
Clothes in tatters no shoes on her feet
She gazed at the rich well dressed children
Wondering when next she would eat
Filled with both anger and envy
She turned the next corner of the street
Only to be confronted
With a boy with the loss of both feet
She looked at the boy in his  wheelchair
Where there were no feet to be seen
Back to her own little bare ones
And realized how lucky she’d been
The anger and envy she’d had disappeared
Replaced by pity and sorrow
Things wouldn’t seem quite so bad
Walking the streets on the morrow

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Paloszoo gold member
    July 29
    Edit | Reply
    Quite a wonderful little poem, but I see no venting in here. The theme would’ve made for a great venting piece, however……..venting about the suffering of poor beggar children on the streets. There’s just no anger here. It’s almost inspirational. Thanks so much for taking the time to enter and for writing for me. It’s an honor to read your work!


  • Hells Shadow
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    VERY GOOD!! not what i was expecting...but it captures the main idea of being thankful for what you have. Very good write.
    im impressed!


  • JinSays gold member
    February 3
    Edit | Reply
    Sad.
    very very sad.
    jin


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Makes me feel so sad and disgusted with myself for living the life of Riley, really these stories.


  • LittleAnn
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A poem that tugs at the heartstrings. I found this deeply moving because it was written in a way that made it easy for the reader to read and understand the poem, and because it expresses one of the essential truths of life... that we should be happy with what we have... and that we should help those who are not as "lucky" as we are...

    Thank you for sharing this poem, I'm glad I read it.
    Keep on writing!
    Annie

  • wendymolly
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I simply adore this poem. what more can I say? you have spoken volumes to me about yourself, where your true heart is in the world. yes, we should all be very thankful for what we have. there are so many who are without, that we need not worry of ourselves ...but always for others, the unseen, the behind the scenes whom have it so much worse than what we may call misfortune for ourselves. You are a finalist my dear poet. take care always,
    ~pithyAplomB.


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    June 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...!
    thanks for entering this
    thats sweet

    • judmc
      July 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      dawn.of. juliet

      Many thanks for your kind comments on "Little Barefoot Girl"very much appreciated I'm glad you liked it.
      Best Wishes and Kind Regards George ++++


  • creationsfromheart
    May 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ok after reading the poems that won I have to say the judge done well on picking the winners, I could see that silver could of used some punctuation and stanzas, however so could of you I stand with the judges choices in this contest , you do have a wonderful write however the top 3 are all worthy. ALso you do not qualify in this contest as you did not read the rules and follow guide lines, it clearly states if it is listed in more then one contest dont enter it here.

  • creationsfromheart
    May 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    hello, I need to ask you witch contest you are referring this poem to for us to compare. By the way the first read of this poem I think is well done and the flow and rhyme are wonderful... So which one of the three did you feel was not fairly judged of the contest?

    • judmc
      May 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      creationsfromheart

      Contest for rhyming poems (ecrivain01)
      many thanks George

  • ecrivain01
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I believe ...

    that you mean "through", not "though", in line one.

    This is a attempt to write a platitude into a poem, and I wouldn't say that it worked as well as it could have. That's probably why you didn't get any trophies in the other contests. I'd suggest that you try to be more subtle in your next poem. When you are taking a cliche and rewriting it, you need to slip around corners with it, not come out and put it in the reader's face. The original version, "I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes, but then I met a man with no feet" is actually stronger than this. Anyway, it's not a bad poem, it just doesn't have any zing to it.


    • judmc
      May 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      ecrivainOi

      There is nothing more platitudinous
      than the assertion that everything you want to rubbish can be dismissed in this
      conveniently unspecific and cavalier fashion.As for the jibe that I didn't get any trophies in other contests, since I joined in 30th Dec oo7 I have been awarded
      4 gold 5 silver 3 bronze and 15 h.ms
      and all for just rewriting cliches.I would advise YOU that the next time you come out with your unwarranted comments I suggest you keep them out of MY face, I hope there's
      enough zing in this write for you
      as for my subtlety is concerned I should
      try using a little yourself.JUDMC


  • Manoj Sanyal
    April 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very true ... I fully agree.
    Best wishes and good luck


  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your beautiful entry, good luck, Josie


  • Bee gee silver member
    March 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    very nice

    i guess this is true we feel sorry for ourselves till we find someone with more wrong than we have it.i myself am on dialysis 3 days a week 4 hrs each day.but i have met those who have to do chemo and dialysis. so that is more than my problem. this is very nice and spoke of truth.


  • TillyMay
    March 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh, an age old lesson, hey? I think you've captured it beautifully. If only we could all remember it- I know I stumble down this road frequently. How do we get so self absorbed? Better question- how do we become less so?
    Lovely write- and glad you mentioned it.
    Cheers for the kind words- I'm off to pig out on more of your poetry.


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    February 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhhh very sad but inspiring write. I like this alot. Some times in takes a crippled person to inspire others. To make us realize we don't really have it that bad..


  • Tarja
    February 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This makes a person wonder what it is that inspired this... I think that it was very well written, very dramatic and very sad... if anything it could maybe use a bit more imagery? But overall I really thought this was fantastic.

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