A barren door
uncovered by
foliage,
Voices of repressed
memories haunt the
subconscious.
Barbie smiles glued
to the floor; triads
for anew
Occurrence of
myth; realistic.
Sunny days beyond
the door of mystic
adventure
Pages,
Letters,
A story, a bedtime
dream
Beyond the threshold
of carven wood, a child's
world specialty,
Narnia
Author notes
Screen-name : Dark Whispers
I know this is a weird write but I accidentally stabbed my muse with a pencil and now she's on strike.
Sorry I couldn't be more creative.
In a list
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 4 [Top 12] by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended February 12, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Hi Skky. A good write and presentation. Good imagery, flow and tone. Nice depth of feelings. Good descriptives, word choice and alliteration. Nice assonance. A much enjoyed read. Congratulations on winning Honorable Mention. Well done! Mom
-
As a suggestion, when given a prompt that explains the situation you are in it generally doesn't make the poem sit too well when the first stanza re-explains it (or maybe that's just me).
I think you could have chosen a better ending than you did, you played it safe there.
But other than that this read wonderfully.
Good luck.
-
I feel the flow was alright until the extremely short stanzas [6,7 mainly] and they drew a lot of imagery and metaphors away from this piece. The ending was annoying, in my opinion. Something that wasn't completely creative, whereas a simple word like 'Euphoria' or 'Nirvana' even would have not created that feeling. But in saying that, apart from the change in flow - the wording and imagery was well induced.
-
Wow! This poem is awesome. I just don't get why you stabbed your muse with a pencil. *smile* Best of luck to you in the contest. I hope you win. God bless you always in each thing you do and write. Keep up the fantastic work.
-
-
it was truly a mistake, stabbing her with a pencil, and its all her fault, she wasn't giving me inspiration when i needed it
-
-
7.5
This is very concise, but the drawback with that is the flow was kind of choppy; too many line breaks. I think the flow would have been better controlled ahad there been some more words on the lines. I'm not sure if you have shown what you can truly do...I don't know if it is your muse, or if that none of the prompts so far have really spoken to you...I just know you're better than this...and you know that too. This was an alright poem, for you, but everyone knows that you're an excellent writer. I won't say I am disappointed, because I am not. Still, this is a nice poem. Probably your weakest so far in the contest...but you know what, not a big deal, there's always next round. And who knows? Maybe you'll write something amazing? There's always a chance. Maybe your muse will come back. Best of luck with this though.
Score: 7.5
-
no, I like it. I think we're the only two to actually write about a place really.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
