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Slipped Away

I wish I could find the words to say
My tears' uncontrollable
My heart's inconsolable

Moments like those yesterday
All falling to pieces
Broken shards of memories
Cutting my trembling fingers

Desperate screams in my head
You're playing mind games
Those words slipped off your tongue
Hit me so hard

Gosh, it hurts so much


A fragmented reflection of the past
Reminding me never to look back
We're standing still, never moving on
So please, let go of those bloodied shards

& forget me

Author notes

"though my heart may be broken, i can still love with all the little pieces" Jessica Noelle

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Re-invention silver member
    June 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is really good.. so much pain inflicted inside of it.. great job!


  • Brokentruth93
    June 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this fits my prompt pretty well, and it's just amazing to read, it deserved all the trophies that you have previously won... thank you for entering my contest


  • NickelleteXninja
    June 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is simple yet very well written
    I love the quote and how you used it

    thanks for entering


  • XXxXBassMeisterxXxX
    June 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So please, let go of those bloodied shards

    & forget me
    I loved it. Yea that sounds too cliche. It left me reflecting on how painful life is not like i wasnt already. IT was extremely powerful and teh powerful vibe carried through out.


  • Florida Sunshine
    May 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow - full of so much...Powerful start:

    "I wish I could find the words to say
    My tears' uncontrollable
    My heart's inconsolable"

    I've been in this position never having the words to say.

    Then,

    "Desperate screams in my head
    You're playing mind games
    Those words slipped off your tongue
    Hit me so hard
    Gosh, it hurts so much"

    I honestly don't think people always think about what they say and how the words hurt. [Self-serving personalities]

    The last line is the most profound.

    I enjoyed the read full of emotion and passion. Your words and layout of the piece makes the overall feel 'heartfelt.'

    Nice job - Thanks for entering - Good luck in the contest.


  • TwilightBloodRuns
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love the end rhyme at the start, "uncontrollable, inconsolable" they use an immense emtion of remorse.


  • miss keara
    March 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Oh my freakin' amazing poem.

    It had great flow, and such brilliant word play!!!
    I'm almost at a loss for words to describe how great this poem is.
    My first read of the day and such a wonderful one =]
    It's honest, beautiful, and lathered in emotion.
    Ahh, I just loved it a lot.
    &chez;♥


  • MzDimeDivia
    March 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Attention

    This really caught my attention
    I wish I could find the words to say
    My tears' uncontrollable
    My heart's inconsolable

    Moments like those yesterday
    All falling to pieces
    Broken shards of memories
    Cutting my trembling fingers

    Desperate screams in my head
    You're playing mind games
    Those words slipped off your tongue
    Hit me so hard

    Gosh, it hurts so much
    This is a good write keep on writing

  • Mom of Blondes
    March 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Moments like those yesterday
    All falling to pieces
    Broken shards of memories
    Cutting my trembling fingers

    Wow, these lines are amazing!

    I really like this poem.

    I love the beginning lines too:

    I wish I could find the words to say
    My tears' uncontrollable
    My heart's inconsolable

    They start the poem perfectly and the rhyme of the two lines gives it just the right touch.

    Great job!


  • liduen silver member
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! This is amazing...you have this down as option 1...which I agree with but it could also be option 6 - love. you dont have to change anything, thats just me being random and pointing stuff out like that. Anyways, great poem, I especially like the last line. Awesome job and good luck in the contest


    • liduen silver member
      March 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      oh, 1 suggestion: change the text color, its a bit hard to see


  • Blooming Poet
    February 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow, amazing

  • Blooming Poet
    February 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    memories of lost love or anything for that matter can be painful and I love how you used the quote, it turned out beautiful


  • transit
    February 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow!

    what an intense piece you have penned. "My tears' uncontrollable" can be change to " my tears are uncontrollabel".

    The third stanza was almost painful to read. The hurt and anger are so very intense and in perspective.

    I liked the second last line. It shows anger and I am glad you are not afraid to express it. Good luck in both contest! You deserve a good one for this.

    love,
    transit


  • Nyabbi
    February 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My tears' uncontrollable
    My heart's inconsolable

    this is one of those quotes that just stick in your head ^_^
    it's a poem that almost seems like you are speaking to a person
    but not entirely
    if that makes sense ._.
    i really did enjoy reading this poem =D
    thanks for entering
    good luck
    -Nyabbi

1 - 16 of 16