Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Recounting beads





she leaves shallow
footprints
at the surf's edge, her
rusty face beset
by bands of salt,

her quiet fingers
rolling over
beads of prayer and
of memory


        oh mother





    she is
mesmerized by
a wave who cloaked
so many fleeting
footsteps

and left so many beads
to be restrung


A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Heart Sutra
    February 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the twist in this piece...especially the idea that the strand is broken...so many moments, hopes, dreams or whatever the reader needs to put in the blank, are waiting to be restrung. Thank you for sharing this with the contest.


  • Everwind Rising
    February 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beatiful. It has a quiet emotion and lovely economy of words. The short lines and cadence reminds me of the waves of the ocean. It's rhythm. I love this.


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    February 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful mood. I love the break in the poem--the first a section of hope, the second of sadness. My fav was the way you said what happened to the rosary without actually saying it. It leaves the feeling that perhaps her prayers went unanswered and she broke the necklace in angst of soul and bitter disappointment--as if her prayers were washed away with the footsteps.

    Wonderful title. Love the double meaning of "recounting." Excellent writing.


  • TabbyJoy
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You took me there. Wonderful creation of mood throughout this piece. I felt truly drawn into this poem. Beautiful arrangement on the "page" as well.


  • Metaphorist
    February 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful! Not at all what I expected when I read the description in shameless. Great imagery and thought-provoking. Good luck in the contest!


  • daisybee
    February 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    and left so many beads
    to be restrung

    these lines really got to me-a great write, one with a lot of atmosphere, you paint a vived picture, and plant ideas through very sparse wording which is real hard to do.


  • ParadoxFry
    February 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this.

    To me, it felt like it should have ended before the line 'oh mother'. I think that with the additional two stanzas that you may have overstated what could otherwise be a really impactful little piece.

1 - 7 of 7