I was all alone on Christmas Day
Roasting my nuts by the fire
I was pulling my own cracker
When my heart just filled with desire
"I've known you for a long time now"
Said myself, to myself, said I
"And you have never made a pass at me
Can I ask you"I asked "Pray why?"
"Well you are a little shy"I quietly said
"That every time we're alone in bed
I broach the subject and you blush bight red
You are such a sensitive man"
I run my hands all over me
"You are such a beast! Get away from me!"
Every time I want you I think its me
I'm sensitive, that's what I am
I dimmed the lights just a tad
And poured ourselves a drink
I toasted to Mum and Dad
Whatever would they think
Love is a precious gift
I get along so well
With me I'm hardly miffed
We laugh at the stories I tell
"I love you" I said to myself said I
"I'll love you until the day I die"
I think of me and you let out a sigh
You are such a sensitive man
"You're a lusty lad" you said to me
Everytime I want you I scream "Take me!"
I end up taking advantage of me
I'm sensitive, that’s what I am
I don't tie myself up
I don't get all kinky
Don't splash around oil
Nor wear something slinky
No need for colour condoms
No chance of social diseases
Our arthritic pox free hand
Does just what it pleases
First time we did it I thought what
A wonderful person I really was
Bit of encouragement you're in the cot
You are such a sensitive man
No pillow chat for you or me
Now we're deaf and dumb and cannot see
Everytime I want you I holler "Is that Me?"
I'm sensitive, that's what I am
Author notes
Written November 19th, 2003
your take on other social issues -
A contest entry
- show me your sensitiveness... by poetic-enigma21.
800 points, ended November 5, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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this was a bit confusing. but i like it. i'm not really sure i can fit 'wanker' in anywhere - and of course i'd have to change his name, but this is definitely a nice little piece. thanks for entering
katie -
This is amusing. Interesting piece to be chosen as your favorite. Nicely written. I think the word "sensitive" is a bit over-used, but it' still good.
EarthToJim was complaining about it not being appropriate for a sixteen-year-old from Indiana, but this is a realistic issue and people do need to come to terms with it. But then again, I'm from California
. Good job and good luck!
~ Wild
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Your poem is worthy of applause.
You have a special gift to write.
Well done.
Thankyou again for entering
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Very amusing.
I had fun reading this one well done.
Take care and goodluck to you and your writings.
~Deaths Maiden~ -
Raise the flag, the poles already there.
What a riotous good write. Be careful, next time it could be a menage a trois. You know, me myself and I, woohoo what fun.
Well written, good show, pip pip, and all that.
G A -
I was quite shocked when I read this. I have never seen someone describe themselves quite like this before. This was very interesting to read, and even perplexing to try and stay up with with who was saying what to or about whom. I got lost a few times by the change in speakers.
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Well, now here you could actually be more sensitive by reading the author's bio before submitting. This probably wasn't appropriate for a 16 y.o. girl from Indiana. A 16 y.o. Shiela from down under, maybe, but definitely not Indiana... you need to be more sensitive.
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Did you copy and pate my promte. I can't help but wonder because i read your authors note and naturally i thought that you copied and pasted my promte. I also don't think that I actually need to read about masterbation. or whatever it is that's going on it's a little hard to read.
Edited on Feb 21, 10:44 because ''. -
Well done. Excellent poem drawing the reader into a voyeuristic position.
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When I saw the title and the "sample" couplet... I thought: "O dear, here is someone else who has not learned the 'first law of writing' - that if something is open to an unintended comic or naughty meaning, the great reading public will surely take it that way!" But then... I opened the poem, and - Naughty, Naughty! - that is what you MEANT it to mean!!!!!
Really witty! and very neatly worked out...
And I must praise your courage for displaying this poem to Allpoetry readers, who do seem to have a tendency to take any poem that has "I" in it as referring to the poet in real life, instead of being an assumed persona!
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Interesting
well.. if that makes you happy..good on ya !!
I actually like this poem, flows well.. but the subject raised my eyebrws!
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i won't say i "enjoyed" this--i think that is what you were doing.
you really have a way with words here in this one. i think my brother-=n-law will get a kick out of it. this was a gutsy write and you did write it well.
i am sitting here trying to pick my words very carefully after reading this one. viyanna r langager -
This is just too funny......I have also heard that you will go blind from that. I guess not sense you are still typing away.....LOL
Thanks for the chuckles that this read gave to me.
Your rhyme and meter was just fantastic in this. I also like the way you used your words in this.......Just an all out fun read!!!
Smiles
your way>>>>>>> Sandy 
San-d
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Lmao, you know I heard that can make you go blind? Find a new hobby to make you happy
Wonderfully write- sharp and clever: I love the focus on speech, particularly this little segment:
"I said to myself said I"
Wonderful rhyme!!
~Faded -
That is a good poem. I like it good job.
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Comically Interesting
Very interesting.....I think that's the only word to use here....and Creative! Yeah! Very creative. I actually enjoyed it....Nice thinking -
...interesting... really interesting -.- I enjoyed it... I really did... Keep up the good work and Good luck in my contest!
~:Kitten:~ -
great
this actually made me laugh out load
my poem has no chance -
this is really really cute! good luck!
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Wow, this is so refreshing! I like it alot, very clever and rhythmic. It's very creative and well written... and carried a laugh too! I guessed it early on, which is okay.. I think this is very awesome. Good job, good luck!
.so.insatiable. -
Oh my You've made me laugh
Such a fantastic write, so full of self importance and loving !! I really enjoyed reading this and loved the humour. Best of luck. Tinker xx
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Wow. This definately was creative and funny to say the least.. I dont even know what to say. Good write, great description! Thanks for entering my contest!
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Funny. But it kind of confused me in places. Keep up the good work! Good luck in the contest!
Blackened -
This is pure brilliance. I love the subtlty of how you let the reader know exsactly what you were doing without being rude or vulgar, Very witty very clever. Please do check the contest again you missed a very important part and I would hate to have to disqualify such brilliance. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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this is a great write it really is funny, it reminded me of a weird convosation i had at a party not too long ago, anyway, thanks for entering and good luck!!!
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This was great. lol . . . . a little confusing, but i did like it alot.
thanks for entering, and good luck. -
You should rename this write Ode to Masturbation..j/k My head is spinnin keeping up with all the me's I's and You's. Funny write though I had to chuckle. you know DP has a bad sexual conotation? Great write and good luck in the contest!
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funny,funny,funny,oh my...luvmybabys...
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Verrry funny - nice one!
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This was interesting...it had a bit of erotica, though nothing too graphic. I didn't really get the humor until you said that you chose that choice. But this is definately a way someone could feel good about themselves!
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This is nice.. Very well written and quite interesting. Well done Good luck
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A SPANKIN' good poem!
Well, this explains a lot. Reminds me of a dog I once saw licking himself in a public square, his satchel glistening with saliva in the morning sun. A friend started narrating the sordid little scene thusly -
"Oh, me. Nobody does me like me. I'm the best. Oh, do me, me."
Thanks for the laugh. I do hope you find yourself a partner soon. Masturbation is swell but it's a lot more fun if you don't know what's going to happen next. You know how you can't tickle yourself? It's sort of the same idea. haha
Mark
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LMAO...this is definatly a twist to masterbation that i have never seen before, and it intrigued me. I liked this a lot, it really had me laughing! Great Job and keep it up (no pun intended )
XoXo
NiKKi -
That's....wow. //blink blink
//cocks head to side
I like it.
--Fax -
This poem is nothing less then brilliant
Sometimes I wonder about you honey
This is awesome.
Cindy -
oh lordy here something to go along with your little diddy..
me love meself
me love me so
me took me self
to the picture show
me wrapped me arms
around me waist
me got so fresh
me slapped me face!
Okay glad I am not the only nut in the bunch DP you can do it all you want, you just don't have to LIKE IT!
Don't love yourself to much it will fall off , cracking up, Catressa -
"I don't tie myself up
I don't get all kinky
Don't splash around oil
Nor wear something slinky
No need for colour condoms
No chance of social diseases
Our arthritic pox free hand
Does just what it pleases"
Quite possibly the greatest rundown on masturbation
I've ever read, and on top of it, so damn true, so frickin true. -
LOL. This is funny. You did a great job with the wording and good job with the rhyming. Thanks for entering and keep writing! Good luck! ~Karli~
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wow, thats really funny, and of course, being a girl i had to giggle
it was so very funny! lol..i got a kick out of it, good luck in the contest and thanks for entering!
xoxo
secret sue
p.s
why dont you go play hide and go f*** yourself? J/K -
This was hilarious, I loved it. Really well written. Masturbation's always a great topic to poke fun at - just listen to the famous internet "Captain Jerk" episodes . Keep writing.
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I have to thank you for my laugh of the day!!!! I was rolling!!! This is so bookmarked.What a piece!!! Jacki
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This was ingenious and gives new form to masterbation.LOL.I loved it.So creative.Very good write.Good luck and blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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here let me give you a gold trophy ..you are a genuis...no one can play the field as well as you ..loved it...freda
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pucka poem mans best friend is always with them what would they do with out them (not a lot we all need a bit of fun out of life)
Born2bblonde -
BLUSHING
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This poem's a hoot. I got such a big kick out it. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that has do-it-yourself sex.
Regards,
Leo Long
ps. *still smiling*
Edited on Jun 06, 2:55 p.m. because 'typo'. -
i really liked this.the humour in it had my nearly crying with laughter.well done
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I loved the humour in this piece. It was well written and in a style of the old balladeers of long ago. It's the kind of funny poem you'd recite to lighten the atmosphere on a dark evening in front of a fire by candlelight and have the room (full of adults, of course), roaring in delight. I enjoyed this very much.
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You are such a nut! I have a line in the play I am in that says; "Then learn to masterbate, it's safer, cleaner, and more expedient." That's what this poem reminded me of. LOL. Besides the humor, it is sex, sex, sex...Good luck with the contest!
Much Love,
Renee
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funny and sadly ironic ~ everything tongue in cheek just as it should be! like good sex [now what is that?] it left me wanting more ....
giggling again at one of your poems ~ thanks
elaine x -
This is so deliriously funny. I have laughed so hard my side is hurting. I love it. I love it. I love it. This was very busy. How could you not win this contest? You have amazing talent. Great job!
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What a riot.....just wondering if it has a name , a sweet nothing kind of name for you to whisper during the game
Reenie
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Wow, I had to take a drink of water after that one! That was freaking hilarious!!! Good job!!!
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Okay how'd they get alone in bed already if he is too shy to ever make a pass yet, lol. Very amusing write. I like it.
I will look forward to reading more of what you write. -
it was a really good poem, a little confusion althout. Do you love yourself that much, or just in the way of have sex with yourself? You are very sensitive I suppose but in a very man kind of way,before sex you do not waht to talk just lay in there, interesting poem, good luck in the contest
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I liked this poem, made me smile, but also a little sad,
I guess with self love, you always know what you like.
Good luck in the contest
Take care
Elaine
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great poem it got me rolling i thought i was gonna die i so agree hell you cant get diseases n shit from ya hand now can you lol and your most likely to know what makes you feel good lol good points and great write keep writing lol
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great poem it was well true the only way to be truely sure and know what you want and get it is by yourself lol though it did make ma laugh lol it was so so true lol i enjoyed it
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great poem it was well true the only way to be truely sure and know what you want and get it is by yourself lol though it did make ma laugh lol it was so so true lol i enjoyed it
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You can never tell how a contest is going to work out,
but you get my vote for "Poet I'd most like to go drinking with", because I'll bet your a damn riot!
Despite some of the comments, I had a hard time reading
too deeply into this and just took it from the lighter side. -
It is kinda funny, though in a different way. I find the whole poem very creatively done and I like the end. And the total of I's, me's and you's is a little confusing and I guess thats what makes it funny.
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ehhhh?
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Hilarious. Hey hey, you wait all week for a chance to quote Leonard Cohen, then two come at once.
Come down to my room
I was thinking about you
and I made a pass at myself
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Hehehe. Bad boy. You're gonna go blind. Going to hell too. Hiya DP. Love this. Has me roflmao. Good luck in the contest and remember, May is Happy Masturbation Month so get those sponsors to earn money for womens health.
Desiree
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HAHAHA... self love - quite an ego boost when you realize that you'll never tell yourself no, not tonight, I have a headache... hehehe... great write!
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was it in the abuse catagory before and it isnt now going by your comments...cos the church does consider it a form of self abuse. you will have to be tied up and whipped. this poem is dead funny i love it and you say it so straight and seriously and that makes it all the funnier. wish i could love myself as much as you do. so here you are telling us why you are the sexiest man on ap and fully independant and autonomous as well!
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I wonder if there is a deeper underlying meaning to this wonderful piece of poetry, it is funny, but for those that have been through abuse, we might see something a little more into it..........Thank you for entering and take care
sanity.
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Wow. Good write. It's great how you were talking to yourself like that, keeps it interesting. I'm just trying to figure out why this is in the abuse category? Oh well, Great Write!
~>Tu Leona<~ -
I'm worried if i say it's funny that its not supposed to be funny. but it is funny. Its really interesting, breaking from the style makes it more unique and enjoyable to read sommat new. Good stuff.
Sarah -
This was just way too cute. I loved every line. This had me rolling on the floor laughing as I read it to my boyfriend. It sounds like you had some majorly intense "fellowship" going on with yourself. This is truly priceless!
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I can’t comment on the style part or the grammar, or the other stuff that you’re probly looking for in a comment on one of your poems. Hell, I barley escape high school. But i can tell you what i enjoy in what you’ve written. I especially like the humor you exhibit in this. I love the Gollum-esque internal-external conversation you’ve got going. I am always a fan of the process of self discovery and the exploration of self as a healing process. You poem is, although amusing, an excellent example of a soul caught up in that process of discovery. Yeah, it may be an extreme, but we all have a certain duality to our nature anyway and your poem artistically expresses that You have a brilliant style and although i read your poems frequently, i am at a lack for things to say as i always find your work amazing and my stuff is mostly kack in comparison. Thank you for sharing this and allowing me the honor of commenting on it, ~richard
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The way how you illustrate you are talking to yourself is excellent. I loved reading those sentences the most because of the meshing of the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person into one stream. I thought the fact that you had a discussion with yourself as a lover was excellent, and I hope you don't have to go through this everytime you want to get "close" to you (r lover I said to myself said I).
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This is hilarious words man! I dig the shit out of this write. Does every man fight an internal battle when it comes to masturbation? Overcome that struggle and you'll be ready for a partner!
Again, fucking hilarious! Well done. -
excellent
that's me straight up my man ur a metrosexual just like me -
great. had me in splits. first time i read such a funny piece of 'self abuse'. had enough of the schizo in it to save it from being narcissisitic or self indulgent. wish you both many more happy lie in and entertaining lines. hahaha. just hilarious. great stuff.
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*brava*
This is so meaningful! It's like a schizophrenic (sp?) talkign to himself... Ohhh, the yumminess! -
LOL!!! This is really funny! I actually didn't see any erotic in it, but a very interesting sense of humor! I enjoyed the crazy dialogue!
Too bad it will not make in the contest
Thanks for the laugh!
Mari
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ha..this is very funny, i like it a lot,/......keep up the good work, lookin forward to reading more in the future.
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ha! that was hilarious. i can only guess what this poem is about. and i usually guess right. funny.
Fallen- -
I like the format of this piece actually. And it was hysterical to me. Yeah I imagine it could be about self-discovery or whatever, but it was funnier not to think on it so deep. Self gratification is severely underrated I think. Great write, and thanks for entering my contest! Good luck!
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I agree with whoever wrote that the form is shaky. But the content is exceptional. We need more poetry like this and less of the safe, ennui inspiring drivel that I usually read on this site. Well done.
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Another I remember my friend,I have a 14 year old grandson going through that at the moment.I love it david~Joan~;f
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interesting, good be taken as humnour, or as a poem discovering yourself, more or less sitting alone by yourself getting aquainted with yourself again after whatever trials you endured, nice write, not to long, readable, nice flow, and it had that same whirlwind feel to it, i like that definately, nice write
peace , eoj -
funny as hell...but, no way, Jose
Okay...this is funny as hell...but, it ain't gonna win, place, or show in my contest, I'm sorry to tell ya. What part of "NO EROTICA" didn't you understand, hmmmmmm? Love the poem....sorry....rules is rules, donchano.
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very funny! lol lol lol i will have to add you to my favourites! if i can take the strain. at least i know where to come if i want a good time but i bet all the girls say that to you!
you are so clever with the way the words dont get in the way. loved the line i run my hands all over me. this is such a hard subject but you manage to pull it off with great aplomb.this is destroying everything about sex for me i will never be able to do it at all pretty soon from laughing and thinking of your poems. you might not be into kinky sex but you have me in kinks.
i love it.
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funny as hell
Narcisist.... lmfao... ROFL... this is clever very clever... you are a genius man... keep up the great work.... good luck with the contest...
~predatorsgirl~
kim
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i was gunna enter...but that's so gunna win...very nicely put!
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Haha! that was great. Your poems are so wonderful. Everything about them. I liked this a lot it was really funny. I hope you and yourself last a long time.
Loved it once again.
-O -
HA! yeah, you got me with a laugh here. Nothing wrong with a little (or a lot of) self love! In fact, it is a subject near and dear to my heart...or something. lol.
Thank you for entering.
Desiree
Edited on Dec 03 because ''. -
Hmmmm.....interesting. The conversation in there stops the flow, for me anyway, but the content is captivating and the rhyme pulls it all off. Nice write.
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I realize with out a doubt
Tiss me I pleasure
I explore finding hidden treasure~
Smiles~this was very interesting~
made me smile~
A wonderful write~
Smiles~Emma
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2/5
This is really really confusing to me. I get the point of it, but it's just hard to follow. I'm sorry to say, but the flow of it isn't too good, it's got a few kinks... but it is all right. I don't know. It just seems a little bit... strange... but does it talk about... self-love? Maybe? Taking it to an extreme...? Guess I just don't have that great of a concept of the world and its workings yet...
And, of course, I am eternally grateful for your comments, this time on "Red Roses." You're supposed to get a very strong image when you read my poems, whether it is of what the poem is talking about, or the emotion behind the poem. I was experimenting with some of my poems, focusing more on the look and shape more then the rhythm and flow... it didn't work. So I stopped and reverted to my own style. Even though now I don't have time to sit and make a poem, sometime soon I will be posting some new things.
This poem... was a good write, clever, as usual, but it just doesn't flow right...
Keep Smiling,
~*~* Tenshi-chan *~*~ -
ha ha ha ha ha,found one,loved it,my grandson is going through that stage at the moment,he's 14 should show it to him but he's a bit shy,maybe i had better not,may embarress him.very good David,good luck~Joan
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Ha.ha.. clever, clever. clever.. Onanism but no one to put your feet on to get them warm..
Well done David, made me grin from ear to ear..
Barb
xx -
HAHAHHAHAHAHHA Oh well!!! BAH HUMBUG!!! go count your gold pennies.. hehehhehheheh or eat them if they are the chocolate ones you put on the tree??? LOLOLOLOL
CUTE WRITE.. enjoyed it
~GILL~xxxx -
lol this is great. gave me one hell of a laugh... well actually a giggle because i think that i would have appered retarded if i would have burst out laughing at my computer screen (which i do all too often). haha anyways. i really liked the second to last stanza where you wrote:
"I don't tie myself up
I don't get all kinky
Don't splash around oil
Nor wear something slinky
No need for colour condoms
No chance of social diseases
Our arthritic pox free hand
Does just what it pleases"
it was well put and humerous at the same time. great stuff.
Peace and Love
~SLK~ -
Hahaha! "YOU are so lucky to have yourself! "
Ah, I laughed out loud at that.
Oh, and "Sensitive Man" is so good and clever that there's no point in me entering.
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lol hehehehehehe that was soooo cool lol i love it. nothing wrong with it, and nicely put lol. this was very original and very amusing, very witty. you seem to be very talented in this area. may i ask how long this took to write? i am very impressed, this looks like a winner to me. lol keep it up buddy youre doing a great job
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nothing wrong with self gratification every now and then, but then again it is nice to share too. Very funny, keep it up! Take care, lissa
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